#situations – Trace my journée

I want to create things that help other people not be as broken as I once was. I want to help people not feel the pain I’ve felt. I want to create beautiful things. I sometimes feel inadequate. I fear my work isn’t good enough, not special enough. Sometimes I think others can do it better than me. Why are everyone else’s feelings more important than mine? I have to stop allowing myself to feed others before I am fed with emotional nourishment. I can’t stomach hurting people as deeply as I have been hurt. My heart won’t allow it. I feel deeply. I think deeply. I absorb the things around me, including the silence. Through my writing I can be honest. My words on paper, bearing my thoughts, my treasure chest, Pandora’s box and sometimes I am scared to share because what if I’m more broken then anyone ever knew and now they treat me like glass. I would rather know ugly truths, than candy-coated lies, just to make it bearable. Why is being “sensitive ” considered a bad thing? Being sensitive allows me to see things others don’t. It allows me to feel happiness in small things, and repel the negative. I like being around people, but also being in my head. Sensitive means I am caring, I have empathy and compassion, I want people to be ok and to be happy, I want to leave you better than I found you. And there is nothing wrong with me. Surrender to the process and allow your truest self to be your biggest ally. Being ‘highly sensitive” is an amazing gift. Use it for the common good.

Give up overthinking on negative thoughts and re-write the narrative. Change is constant and it is scary, but it is good. Some of the most amazing things that will happen to you in life have yet to happen. Seek solace in knowing that.

Setting my intention

I open my heart and hands to the sky. Accepting what is placed on my plate as lessons, guidance, and nourishment to my mind, heart and soul. Letting go of the people, situations and things that no longer serve me. I inhale the crisp air and allow it to breathe life into my being, giving me a new purpose daily, a new beginning. I am open to the possibilities. I bow down and surrender to the almighty, the most high. I am fully devoted and open to this process.

The best decision I have ever made for myself was that I refused to spend any more time in this life betraying myself. Be open and be still. Align yourself with your purpose and allow your energy to flow. Manifest the beautiful life you want and if you are walking in your purpose you will be blessed abundantly. Make today the day you stop destroying your life and decide that you will move forward in life with intention. Create the life you want and don’t listen to people who doubt you. They don’t have to chew what you bite off, so if it doesn’t directly affect them, then it doesn’t concern them, do you. Be true to who you are no matter who doesn’t appreciate it, because there are others who do and those are the people I create for, because we understand each other on a deeper level and you all are my soul tribe.

A wise woman once told me, “What cannot be seen or heard will be felt.” – Ms. Ruth

There are times in life where we underestimate the power something has over us. Those things have the ability to make us do things, right or wrong. I find that lately I have been making tons of mistakes. I’ve sat on this and really meditated over this because I need to figure out why I am f*cking up.

The past few months, as you know, have been a rollercoaster for me. I’m making decisions out of fear, rather than calculated decisions. Time hasn’t exactly been on my time and it seems like my faith is wavering. I say that that because if my faith was strong as I thought it was I’d have faith that God would carry me through, regardless of time constraints, and rushing into decision making.

Here is how I can only assume mistakes work, based on my experience:

I make mistakes out of fear, vulnerability, and ignorance, to remain in control (fear/vulnerability).

Sometimes the rate at which the changes in my life are taking place is scary. I usually mull over things until I’m certain and once I’m confident in my ability to succeed I’m ready for whatever, but without preparation I am motivated by fear, which is not always good.

Fear keeps me on my toes. Keeps me from getting too comfortable with life. Fear ensure I’m always doing more because I don’t know when my “luck” will run out. I’ve heard the line that luck is where preparation meets opportunity. So in order to be “lucky” I try to stay prepared. That’s not always possible. Growth is a process and when I said 28 would be a year of growth I didn’t expect it to be like this. I guess I assumed it would be easier than this. Growth is hurt, pain, love, tears, joy, happiness, sadness, mistakes, and decision making.

All this “f*cking up” has allowed me to see and learn the following:

I’ve learned about myself and my values
Where I fall short and where I’m vibrant
Seeing what matters and what doesn’t
Seeing how others have changed
Seeing how I’ve changed
What works and what doesn’t work
Forgiveness
Compassion
New options
Past mistakes and how they are affecting me know (insight)
Humbleness
Create balance
Seek justice and difference
Misjudgment
Creative direction

We are all human. Life is about the journey. The mistakes we make help us grow. Although we are letting others down when we mess up, we should take accountability for the action that led to the disappointment, and learn from it and grow. We are allowed to be a masterpiece and still be working on ourselves simultaneously. I am a fuckup to some, but at least I’m growing from it. 28 I knew you would be my trial year, and although I underestimated the journey, I am positive that I will come out a better person for it.

We all go through valleys on our path to success, don’t let anyone tell you different. You are human, mistakes happen, dark days happen, people struggle with self-discovery, etc…but remember we all go through it, it’s a part of life, and it does get better.

Stop re-living the past, mourning situations past, worrying about the future, and dwelling on the past. Re-write the narrative and make it empowering to you and help it catapult you into your future. Take inventory of those in your life and surround yourself with people who help build your future, not those who force you to re-live your past.

“The past is meant to be learned from, not lived in.”- Steven Prestfield

–Forever working on myself

Tag: #situations

There was the breakdown…and now comes the build up.

How do you operate in the face of fear?