“A man who marries a woman to educate her falls victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him.” – Elbert Hubbard
I have spent the last few months replaying situations as to why my last relationship failed. In hindsight, I have come to realize some of the things my ex had said to me were in fact very valid about the type of person I was and how I treated him. Majority of what happened between us that caused our demise was that we didn’t LISTEN to one another to understand, we LISTENED to reply, or at least I can say that for myself.
Learning from my communication issues in these past few years these are there things I can think of to share with you all in regards to communicating effectively, knowing how to use your time and how to use your words all for the advancement of relationships with others.
The biggest issue I have been having is realizing that not everyone communicates how I do, nor are they always receptive to my style of communicating and that I had some work to do in regards to becoming more of an effective communicator and how to all together be a better person to be with and around. Since realizing this I have come these conclusions:
1.Your tone
It’s not what you say but how you say it. It’s not only about the words used but also about the facial and body expressions that accompany it.
Whatever you say should be sweet because one day you will have to swallow it, and if its not then you need to change what you are saying.
Understand your posture. Be able to stay calm and speak life, not throw tantrums.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
Competing on who can be the loudest…You will always lose. It doesn’t matter if you’re right if you say it the wrong way. Many times as humans we have the inability to express our own emotions. We must model what we mandate. If we expect someone speak to us a certain way we must treat the other in that way. People can only do to what you allow them to do to you. What you are willing to accept is more a reflection of how you feel about yourself then it is about how they feel about you. Speak up when necessary but do so with tact. Ever find yourself entering into wars where there is nothing to win? Be something and someone different by the love that you show.
2.Time
When I refer to time I’m speaking in the sense of taking your time and sharing your time with others. There are too many “urgent” things causing us to forget what’s so important. If you don’t tell your time where to go you will always wonder where it went. Do not rush the timing of your life. Do not force people to move faster than they are able. Everyone has his or her own timing. Respect it. But also in that regard do not take your time. Do not drag your feet when you need to move full speed ahead. Understand the timing of your life is vital information.
As far as sharing your time with others, invest in each other. Invest in each other’s hobbies, loves, experiment together, etc. Give your partner your time. Show them that their dreams and desires are important to you too. Do not tell people how to spend their time, just decide how to use your time wisely.
Time is important because we only get a handful of it, and if it is misused then we waste it.
3.Trust
“Better are the wounds of a friend, than the deceitful kisses of an enemy.”
Proverbs 27:6
Everything said should be truthful, but not everything truthful should be said. Speak the truth in love. My biggest pet peeve is people who use personal things against you. Like wait….. someone call 911…. SHOTS FIRED!!!! What did I do for you to use my hurts and past against me. I’m not very forgiving when it comes to these types of individuals. There is a difference between having a situation make you feel like something negative happened and someone actually saying something to purposefully get a rise out of you by using your hurt against you. Build a bridge of love…words said to you in confidence should never be used against them later on. Secrets and words said in confidence should be like Vegas; whatever is said here stays here….
Don’t allow your pride to win the war, but lose relationships.
Just because I don’t see eye to eye with you doesn’t mean we can’t stand shoulder to shoulder. Life is a shared experience; you don’t have to do it by yourself.
To sum this up: Be good to others, do not speak in anger, take your time, do not use others hurt against them. None of us are perfect, although we may claim to be. Your feelings matter but so do others. Do not destroy yourself or another, it’s never worth it.
Trace my journée 