Tag: #MEN #CHASINGMEN #sELFlOVE #RELATIONSHIPS #LOVE #THERAPY

Love: Uncovered

Published on by tracemyjourneeLeave a comment

What are we searching for? Many of us are searching for love, security, honesty, looks, money, loyalty, happiness, respect, romance, attention, affection, sex (good sex), intimacy, friendship, companionship, passion, compassion, family, etc.

What are you looking for? Take the time to define what “Love” means to you and values you would like your partner to possess.

The reality is that everyone is trying to find “the one.” Woman want to feel safe…men want to feel respected. Question is: What SHOULD we be looking for? What should love look like?

1.Seek a love that is “comprehensive” aka “LOVE” is complete, including all aspects/elements of something. This means being all things for your partner. (1corinthians 13:4-8 love is patient love is kind….)

The term “Love” is used very loosely. Look at the above Scripture and see if you live out all details of what “love” is before you say you love someone. Are you patient? Are you kind? Are you jealous? Are you boastful and proud?

Love is like building something. It takes time, it takes patience, it takes commitment, it takes work, rework, multiple issues and deductive reasoning to ensure your structure is sturdy and lasting.

If you are looking for love, seek someone who will pay attention to the details.

  1. Seek a God inspired love (1 John 4:18-21

God will provide according to his will and his plan. Seek a man/woman looking to honor God, respect God etc…because you will never have to ask them to give you the same, because if they are seeking and honoring God they will readily offer you that to please HIM. The capacity of your grace grows while you are on your needs praying to God. A direct reflection of how you treat people shows your relationship with God or where you are in your journey with Him.

  1. Look for someone willing to do the work (Romans 12:10)

Celebrate in each other. Work with each other not against each other. If they show you they aren’t willing to do the work leave them alone. Dating is meant to find out if you want to walk this journey with forever and if it “doesn’t work out” then it did workout because praise God you saw it before you fell into lifelong. Do you honor your woman/man? It should give you joy to honor your partner. It takes work. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil by doing good. Simply put this means: Do not play fire with fire. That’s not the kind of partner you want, so do not be that kind of partner. Majority of disagreements are not arguments. Find someone who acknowledges that someone does not have to always win a disagreement, but each party should be understood. Compromise doesn’t mean someone is right or wrong, it means you value your relationship over your ego.

  1. Seek a partner who is Generous with their love (Matthew 22:37)

Love with abandonment and not guarded. No true intimacy can happen without being vulnerable. Are you holding back? Seek someone who can open your heart, your mind, your spirit and your emotional being, and can be trusted to take care of it

  1. Seek a partner who is offering Sacrificial love (1John 3:16)

Do you offer a sacrificial love? Would you lay down yourself for your partner? Is this love meant to self-aid or meant to grow the unit? Seek a partner who genuinely cares about your wellbeing, your health, and your success. If your partner has your back, and you have theirs, both parties of the unit and protected. You are responsible for your partner, as they are to. Be accountable to you partner. Seek a partner who understands that value.

Finally:

Seek love within yourself first, before you can give or expect love from another.

Make sure you are first complete, sacrificial, generous, willing to do the work, god inspired and verify that your love is comprehensive. Stop pointing fingers and accept accountability, before you can expect this type of love from another. Start with you: Be the change you want to see.

I pray that I can work on becoming “the one” for another.

CHASING MEN

Published on by tracemyjourneeLeave a comment

I have a bone to pick with you ladies! F*#k, I need to pick this bone with myself too honestly. I’m about to drop some real knowledge, so be ready to listen.

Ladies stop chasing after these men. Just STOP!

First and foremost, men are primal. They need to chase. If it’s too easy, they don’t want it. We know that.

Secondly, if you never give him the chance to pursue you, how will you know if he even wants to.

Lastly, you don’t want to be stuck doing all the work. Do not set a precedent where you’re always the one initiating conversations and making plans. He will get comfortable with you doing it and will probably get lazy.

Now, all of this being said, it is not to say that you shouldn’t admire him and appreciate him, but don’t be too pressed. You come across as needy and desperate.

There are ways to let him know you’re interested.

For starters, be open, honest and approachable. I have this nasty habit of being very cold at first when meeting people in general. I proceed with caution. I always need to know their motive. Is it my panties that you’re after? If so keep trekking honey. I find that I protect myself with my arms crossed. Apparently that means I’m closed off. This might be true. Sometimes I am simply uncomfortable and other times I just don’t know what else to do with my hands or arms. Standing like a statue, with arms by your side, is weirder to me than arms crossed.

As a woman I have been hurt, and while I’d love to be ready to move on, I think I am still trying to figure out what I want. Mainly I’m concerned with characteristics I’d like my partner to possess. Let’s call that my needs vs wants list. In my younger years I was so focused on if he had money, his looks, what car he drives, what he can do for me. With growth you start to see that the things you want in your partner aren’t material. Personally, I look for a partner who is understanding and patient because I am annoying as f***. I need a man who can lead were I lack knowledge. A man who can help make decisions alongside me, not for me. A man who understands the importance of planning and simultaneously can understand the need for spontaneity. A man who is accountable for his actions, my heart, and our future. I mean the list goes on and I am still in the exploratory phase of this journey.

Next, be honest with him! If you’re simply not sure what you are looking for, let him know. Most importantly, I am finding that it’s most important to be honest with yourself. Stop forcing relationships that clearly won’t work. Do not get into a relationship just to be in one. I get it! You might feel like a failure because your friends have their shit together, according to what? Instagram and Facebook?

I am 28 and I absolutely feel rushed to be married and have kids. When? ASAP! I find myself giving men chances they don’t deserve, especially men I know I wouldn’t want as a life partner anyway. WHY? Ticking time clock, family pressure, etc. But that’s no excuse to waste your time, or his. If it isn’t working, leave it alone.

If you decide this is a man that you would like to pursue, I have learned the follow-up needs to done by him. Again don’t be desperate. Chill! Your scare him away If your like “When do you want to get married? How many kids do you want? What do you want to name them? All within the courting stage. Like seriously, bro doesn’t even know what he is having for dinner tonight, you think he knows?

Don’t go crazy texting him. Instead, let him come to you. You are the prize, you are worth something, make him work for you and your affections. Now some of you take that as a reason to be snobby and act like your superior to a man. Wrong! You are not better than him. He has qualities and characteristics that you obviously liked. He is NOT the lesser. Men need to feel like leaders, so let him. Relax. If he is for you, he will be about you. I guess it’s just that simple.

Ladies, be very aware of the way you speak as well. Speak positivity into him, don’t condemn him for being who he is. You’re not here to mold him, you’re here to help build with him. Notice I said “BUILD WITH” him. You have responsibilities to your man, and he to you. Different relationships have different dynamics, so that’s between y’all to figure out what roles you both will play eventually, but first date, isn’t the time. That happens with TIME.

Stop trying to control everything and just go with the flow. Being too controlling may come off as aggressive, forceful, uncompromising, and a plethora of other not so appealing qualities. It’s very tough. Control is based in fear; It stems from the fact that you do not trust that this person can take care of you better than you have been taking care of yourself. It is very hard to relinquish control. It is hard to trust that this man has your best interest at heart. Life is a game a chance, choices and leaps of faith. Love is no different I guess. Stop running after people who do not want you. Hell, stop running after people who want you. The man who is for you won’t require you to run after him. My friend Vanessa told me, “There is nothing in life that’s meant for you that won’t come to you.” People cannot steal your blessings. Trust that your time will come. I haven’t found mine yet, but he is coming.