It is officially a few days before my birthday.This is that time of year when I get hella reflective and start to plan ahead for what I want to see in the next year. I have kept track of where I have been every year on my bday since I turned 28. The common thread I see is that each year I have chased personal excellence, focused on evolution, my family, friends, God, being true to me and feeling more deeply into myself. They say hindsight is 20/20. I’d beg to differ and say that learning from those who have shared that experience is an integral part of making decisions as well.It can help shape how we move forward with a bit of forewarning, based on the experiences of those around us.
This year we turn 36! We, meaning majority of my friend circle. Something happens at 36. Just like at 28, and 33, there were major shifts I saw show up in my friend circles, 36 has seem to be the biggest one yet.
I promise, it felt like I was watching friends fight for their lives the few months before turning 36. It was like life gave them the option to choose a different life, the one they said they wanted versus the life they had that was comfortable, but would require settling. I watched some of my friends choose risk, and on the flip side I watched some friends be on the “edge of choosing” and choose complacency. I’m now a few days shy of 36 and lawdddddd the heat is hot in this kitchen.
I have been refer to 36 as the edge, the ledge. The year of decisive decision making, the year of soul direction, the year of connection and designing. Going into this year I am on the edge of falling into something new or looking at what could of been from above while living the life I have. At the end of 2022, Q3 specifically, I saw my 2023 Q1 bday girls really struggling with life. I watched from a distance and in really close proximity as a bystander, as I saw the struggle really chew them up. My Q2 bday girlies, were no different. I watched life essentially drag them through depths of hell. What would make me different as a Q3 girlie? I just knew life was going to come in swinging. I made a choice when my Q1 girlies started experiencing life this way: The becoming. I was staring off the ledge deciding to jump or not. I decided that if life was going to toss me around like a rag doll, I’d at least find some joy in it, at least where I could. I opted to choose joyful adventure vs being dragged kicking and screaming. The difference; pivoting and going with the flow.Let’s talk about it. Being the baddest BITCH literally requires a level of self mastery that is unmatched.Let’s talk about becoming a B.I.T.C.H (Babe in total control of herself.)
In grade school I created a magazine called BITCH. This magazine was supposed to help empower the girls in my class to be who they wanted to be, despite the restricts of the nuns and teachers around us, the parents we had and the circumstances we found ourselves in. As a kid our choices were limited. I was always someone who questioned the rules, spoke up, advocated for myself and others, yes I was a justice warrior and spent a shit ton of time in detention. In school suspension (ISS) was a constant in my life.I couldn’t understand how just wanting to be me, not who the adults around me determined I should be, was a punishable offense. Why was autonomy bad for kids? I never understood the need to micromanage anyone else. I still stand by that. Let’s jump in. 5th grader me and almost 36 year old wants to introduce you to being a BITCH and the easiest way I can do that is by exploring the resonance between crafting the life you want to the process of interior design.
1.Visualize
Become really clear on where you are and being gut wrenchingly honest with yourself. Some times you cant change your environment physically, but you can change the world around you aesthetically. Just like life, visions typically require the same steps, just like designing your home. Hear me out!
Who am I? What life am I currently living? Do I like it here?
What is my aesthetic?
While there is no truly the key to life, figuring out what version of it you are living is truly important.
2. Design
I will sing this til I am blue in the face. In order to get your dream life, you have to be clear on what that dream life would even look like. Much like interior design, you need a floor plan, dimensions to work within, color pallet, textures, and a plan, and eventually the vision comes to life. There are a million resources on seeing what opportunities exist but also sometimes the thing you are looking for, does not exist, and who better to create it than you.
3.Samples
Let your soul lead you. If becoming 36 has taught me anything it’s that there is no way in hell, at my big age, that I plan to allow anyone else’s version of what my life should look like, be my life. It is completely fair to want to live the best version of your life, but with that comes immense sacrifice. Not everyone will see your vision. At times collaboration is not ideal.It still leaves room for persuasion by other parties. What do YOU Want? That’s what matters in this phase. As unrealistic as it may seem, it’s good to dream. Because what is life without a dream? Picking things to be in your life is much like picking textiles, couch color, rug texture, paint colors, decor vibes, comforters, etc. All these seemingly small things, that build up to to a larger vision.
4.Plan
Plans are a loose guideline for what you want to see, how you will go about doing it, and in what order. Life has a funny way of switching things up, so being open and flexible is necessary.Sometimes the paint color you want, is not available. Or the texture you want for pillows or throws are not available, but the color is. Is the texture or the color more important to you? What are the dealbreakers? Remember this process is hard, but should also be fun.
5.Execute
Jump in. Yes, research is important, but there is so much data the suggest jumping in and figuring it out along the way is the best way to get started. Yes, plan. Don’t be an idiot, but don’t get stuck in the planning phase. Plans are a guides, but it can only take you so far. Experience is the realest teacher. Get your hands dirty, life will show you the way.
3 years ago, I died in a car accident. I didn’t actually die, but the version of me that existed before that day and even that morning, died along with the totaled car. So much of what I knew my life to be was forever changed after that day. My self-concept since then has been challenged quite a bit. Being chronically ill and having additional regular life factors to consider really almost took me out. I spent time trying to convince people of illnesses that lived in my body, but are invisible on the outside, therefore to others, did not exist. That, to me, is the worst kind of illness…it’s invisible to most, but the realest thing to you.
The last few years has been filled with doctors appointments, medications, research on conditions and healing herbs, exercises, learning and unlearning, etc. Self advocacy is truly something that I thought I knew how to do but these last few months really showed me what that really meant. Let’s just say 36 is personal to me. Women change so much at 36. Hormones, body, mentality, etc. After what I have been through, I know that I have to at least TRY to live life on my terms. That is my “Why?” Because anything other than that is giving up. The version of me who died back in 2020, lead to the birth of this newer, more calm, more clear, version of me. This is another year of be learning, evolving, experiencing and choosing me over anything else. I know there will be tears, sacrifice but through it I will find the joy as often as possible. I will allow my body rest and restoration. I will gift myself the right to create, the right to explore and exist as the most authentic, soul driven version of me. I am becoming that B.I.T.C.H, again. Who is joining me and enjoying the full vision in real time bringing the dream world into fruition.
Trace my journée 