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I sought clarity and I got it! Ok no but seriously all jokes aside. (for now) Last month I went on a trip to Miami and from Miami went straight to Guadeloupe. Trip was 10 days total. I packed all of my necessities and thought I was good money. While in transit from Miami to Guadeloupe somehow my contact solution spilled in my bag. This is not the first time this has happened, as I travel often, but this time for whatever reason I was beyond annoyed. Guadeloupe, for those who don’t know is a French territory (France’s Puerto Rico) , so their currency is euros. Imagine how annoyed I was to find out that a 1 oz bottle of contact solution that is $1.97 at Walmart in the states cost me $6 Euros in Guadeloupe, meanwhile I had 2 huge ones at home. But since I was away for 4 more days there I couldn’t survive without it.

First of all, to find the damn thing was beyond annoying and I ended up having to go to a vision care store that sells glasses to buy it. Ok I’m done complaining. BUT this is the story of my life. I went to Vegas, my contact ripped in my eye. It was Memorial day weekend and so all stores were closed, and I didn’t have an extra pair sooooo I rocked the ripped pair. MY POOR EYE!!!! While in DC I got something trapped under my contact and it scratched my cornea. I couldn’t wear my contacts and even with my glasses on my eyes were burning!!! I mean I could go on forever with horror stories just simply for needing vision. But Guadeloupe was the final for me.

I came home, set up a consultation and within a week had the procedure. Ok so a few things about Lasik that really no one prepared me for:

1. You can’t wash your face right away.

My doctor asked me to refrained from washing my eyes for a few days. Now y’all I have oily skin and by default, my eyelids are skin ,which were greasy af! I could not handle the amount of grease buildup so I cheated and washed my eyes after the 3^rd day. I was fine ( I think)

2. The sleep Goggles

These goggles are hilarious but I didn’t let that stop me. I wore those ski goggles proudly. (my eyes kept squinting because of light sensitivity and were puffy for a few days)

3. Do NOT rub your eyes.

Ok true story I didn’t rub my eyes, not once BUT I brushed my finger lightly across my eyes and I promise I thought I was crossed eyes the rest of the night. I had to go to sleep because I was consumed with worry. These people really got into my head about the horrors or rubbing your eyes.

4. Your eyes will be HELLA DRY

The tell you to put these drops in your eyes 4 times a day, and its 2 sets of drops. (anti-inflammatory and antibiotic) but you also have to use tear drops every 30mins (doc said so) LORD thank you whoever invented these things because my eyes were THIRSTY. No lie when they said every 30 minuets I was like who hell will remember to do this…..as dry as your eyes get you will be counting down the time to put them in, trust me.

5. Night Driving SUCKSSSSSSS

UMMMMM I live in NYC. There are lights on the cars, streets, the buildings, the signs, bikes, helmets and let me tell you they all tried to kill me. I don’t suffer from halos it’s the starburst lights that are making life difficult. Doc says that wears off eventually but for now this is life.

6. I low-key miss my glasses.

I’ve worn glasses since I was 11 I believe. That’s 20 years almost. I don’t remember time I was able to see without them. My routine consisted of getting my glasses, putting contact in or taking them out multiple times in the day. Now I just see clearly all the time. My brain hasn’t caught up with my eyes yet so sometimes clear sight does overwhelm me all day.

7. Best decision I’ve ever made?

So far, yes!!! Despite the drops all day, dryness, night driving issues, which are all temporary issues, I still stand by the choice to have done this.

Traveling has now become easier. All I need are my drops and I’m off. Overtime it’s getting easier to get along with these new eyes. Now the cost of Lasik depends on your doctor, your eyes, where you live. Generally it ranges from $2-2500 per eye. I ended up paying $4000, which is decent for NY. I know others though who paid $3800, and others who paid $5000.

End result I CAN SEE!!!! I do have follow-ups for the next few months to ensure my eyes health. I will take these few months of healing, for seeing normally for years over glasses and contact drama whenever I have stuff going on. My last followup I had 20/15 vision. NEVER HAVE I EVER HAD THAT!!!

To all of you asshole who used to say” how many fingers am I holding up” and put your hands so far away or behind your back, I got something for yall!!

Sprinting challenge over!!!! Thank you lord Jesus (Praise hands) Ok but if I’m being 100% honest I flaked on the challenge. Weeks 1 and 2 went very well. I ran daily and stuck to a routine. Week 3 and 4 I realized I jumped in too deeply, even athletes don’t run sprints everyday. I was bugging thinking I could. I was getting spasms in my hamstrings so badly. I was actively stretching for an hour a day to keep loose , doing my yoga focusing on my hip flexors and legs, but I was still hurting. To break up all the running, but still utilizing my legs and my entire body, I decided to incorporate some Zumba classes. Luckily there are 6 Zumba classes in the evening every week that I have access to. I still was sweating crazy amounts daily even if not from running. Week 4 I primarily did zumba and towards the end of the week I came down with a sinus infection that caught me all the way off guard, and a double ear infection and took a mini vacay to ATL but I managed to at least go for walks and do a little bit while my body was recovering. Soooooo…… 30 days of sprinting was a bust but I switched it up and just got moving all month.

 

I managed to get my skin care routine on track. I was struggling with an oily smell on my skin and a bad case of bacne on my back but I’m glad to say I’ve sorted all that out. I have since changed my body wash, moisturizer, deodorant, and body butters and no more bumps and I smell glorious. (dancing salsa girl emoji) I can only assume my body was producing more oils due to a combination of things like sweating, bathing multiple times a day, more exfoliating, my skin was dry AF and it was trying to get regulated so I added more moisturizing agents into my routine and all my issues are laid to rest!

So now we hit Novembers challenge.

Novembers challenge was a sensual/Sexy challenge. People have always said that I have a certain energy that comes off very flirty and charming and although that’s flattering, but I’m not a child any longer and I wanted to exude sexiness and sensuality. No, that doesn’t mean showcasing my assets, but I did that a few times and it is liberating to show what you want (as little or as much) and own it. My body belongs to me, make no mistake about that. Starting off this challenge I really wanted to be sexier and just overall feel better about the skin I am in.

Coming from an emotionally abusive relationship I was always forced to cover up, was called a whore if I even exposed the lower half of my back. I honestly lost my self-value in that time frame and I had no clue where to start. Newsflash! Sexy and sensual are different. Who knew! I opted to take dance classes that allowed me to explore touching myself in ways that celebrated myself and moving my body in the ways I always knew it could but I never allowed it to. I really enjoyed them. I used to take belly-dancing classes in Florida and I have not been able to replace that here in NY oddly enough, but its all good because there are tons of other classes to try out. I’m not into strip clubs, so I instead I opted to do the cabaret clubs and I fell in love with it. I also opted to sleep naked this month. How can I expect to love the skin I’m in if its always covered up. Can we say confidence booster?!? Honestly one of the best things I’ve done for myself because the way I love my body now as opposed to before is on another level. My body is far from perfect but I am loving it, every inch of it, large or small. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to make it healthier.

December, I opted for another physical challenge. This month I started boxing classes and I found out I really enjoy boxing. I don’t know if there are issues I’m working through with the bag but connecting my gloves with the bag is therapeutic. I enjoyed it so much I continued to box through January, I’m still in the classes. New fav!!

January, I took some time off from work to play a little before I really settled into the New Year stuff. I worked Mon-Wed and gave myself Thursday to Sunday to explore. I went to shows, self care retreats, did some deep self work. This year I needed to do some inventory on letting go, losing people and material possessions and really allow myself the space to play with some new ideas. My 30-day challenges have done, so far, exactly what I wanted them to do. I’m growing and achieving and now its time to really get back on track, get focused and really start to focus on this new version of life I’ve come to know. No longer a Miami girl, no longer a Cali girl, this girl is now a New Yorker and this time I’m owing that.

I will be switching up the site a bit so stayed tuned for that over the next couple weeks and I will be a ton more vulnerable, as that part of my 30^th intention so be prepared to see a lot more of me and my talents. Cooking up some things in the kitchen. Stay tuned!

Renewed, refreshed, realigned, reenergized and ready to get back to this life. So without further hesitation….HELLO 30!!! Now most people know I turned 30 a few weeks ago, September 30TH. 30 on the 30th! My champagne Birth year!!!! The initial intention of this blog was to trace my steps and see what I’ve been going through going through phases, makeups, breakups, moving, traveling, friendships, loss and gain, weight etc… that we all go through and we can share and grown and learn with and from each other!!! Well that hasn’t happened a whole lot lately because for a lack of a better excuse, here’s the truth….I gave up. That’s the real. I wasn’t ready to be this vulnerable, have eyes of strangers staring deep into my personal oasis and sharing the real deal holy field with you all. It’s hard to be open when I didn’t even really know what I was feeling. My emotional range seriously was happy, sad, mad, stress….the end. Wasn’t shit in between. I had no idea how to decipher the other emotions to even name them and thereby couldn’t heal or growth through them. Since I couldn’t be genuine, I pushed pause.

In the processing of finding “self “ I took some time to try different thing and see what suited me and I got lost (Ill share some of that in later posts). Lost in a sea of bullshit, dating, moving Back to NY, Losing friends, fighting with family, losing, winning, crying, defeat and triumph  a learning experience none the less but hold crap would I want a repeat, nah I’m good. BUT what the fuck I will say is this…..Thank God I survived and grew through it all. The separation I had from my friends and family was so necessary, although I didn’t know it at the time. There’s a sense of strength I had that I was never aware I possessed. Challenges are test, they prepare you for what’s next, they push you, and catapult you into the next stage of life.

So since I’ve realized that I really excel going through unwanted struggles I decided for my 30^th year I am challenging myself to push for growth and motivate my own change I want to see within myself. Each month I will pick a new challenge that will push me emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, sexually/sensually, and every which way in between. Life can surprise me all it wants but I am actively pursing change and this time hopefully majority on my terms.

Here we are month 1…October

Challenge 1/12: physical Challenge: running sprints

Goal: Building stamina, creating new habits, building momentum, pushing myself past the pain, mental discipline, self restraint, and working and building resilience.

Steps: 30 days of sprints , incorporated into my gym regimen everyday. NO DAYS OFF!!

Unfortunately I hadn’t documented the first 13 days other than through snapchat so ill give a quick synopsis.

Week 1:

Day 1 I died several deaths. The amount of sweat was so new to my life that my skin was literally burning from the saltiness. Last month at the end of august I started running sprints (to prep myself) for 10 mins, 1 min walk 1 min run. I managed to run 1 mile a day thru sprints. This month I went from 10mins to 30 mins. 2 mins walking 1 min running,. I’m now running 2.35 miles daily. So 5 round of short sprint vs 10 rounds of sprints is a huge leap. So needless to say week one I simply died. My poor legs, my lungs, my knees…they all took a severe beating. I managed to run 3 sets of sprints week 1 before I was exhausted, and by the 5^th round most days I was damn near ready to cry because I didn’t think I had it in me. I pushed because, hello I’m working on discipline. Is round booty and flat belly aren’t going to create themselves.

Week 2

Last week. I managed to get to round 7 before I was tired most days until yesterday I made it all the way to the 9^th round before I started to die. Over time it has become easier. I started my walk pace at 3.0 I’m now at 3.5. I started at 5.0 running, im not sprinting at a whooping 7.6. who knew these stubby thick thighs had this much power. Shit sure as hell not me, but to say I was surprised is an understatement. An inch from my waist later and 9lbs later y’all cant tell me NOTHING!!!! The motivation now comes from knowing I can push past my own mental blockages. Let’s see what next week brings.

Everything above I can consider upsides. Honestly! Being able to run longer and simply just motivating myself period is amazing to me. But I would be 100% lying if I said it was all glamorous.

 Downsides:

Since I’m working out so much more and harder, I am sweating more often, so my skin is taking a cruel beating. My skin is progressively more oil because I am washing more and exfoliating more so my skin is THIRSTY AF. When I took note of my skins changes I started to add oils into my skin routine to prevent the dryness but let me tell y’all my skin was MAD AF! I have never had acne, now when I say my skin was mad, I can’t even explain this. My back, my but cheeks, my legs were scary gross, dry, covered in pimples and patchy skin. I was soooooo embarrassed to wear backless anything, even at the gym because my back was disgusting. OMG HOLY BACNE!!!!

Furthermore…my skin has a weird odor. How the hell does that happen? I bathe regularly, twice a day and my skin smells like cooking oil. It sticks to everything!!! My sheets smell like it, my hands, my hair, my room etc. I’ve searched dear ole Google for answers and the only answers I’m getting is that either bacteria from the consistent sweating, it may be the foods I’m eating bleeding through my pores because I am sweating more, lack of hydration, or maybe just time to change up my shower care since my needs have changed. You guys seriously this is a struggle. So while I’m busting ass in the gym and feeling so good about that it definitely isn’t all fucking rainbows.

I hit TJ max earlier this week in search of natural products because I can only assume that the products with additives will amplify what’s going on so I’m taking it back to the source aka nature. I haven’t resolved this issue yet so I’ll keep you posted but if anyone has any inkling what I can do to alleviate the excess oil, the oil smell that comes along with it, and the dryness of my skin from over washing PLEASEEEEE HELP!!! Until then you can catch me chugging water to atleast dilute the issues I’m having because Google said so. Is this serious enough to go to the Doctor? I have no clue. Google also said It could have something to do with protein in your body, or illness such as thyroid and diabetes, but I went for a full evaluation prior to starting any of these challenges so I know for 100% fact it isn’t any of those diseases. Ughhhh struggle season, but not enough to deter me from pushing harder, this will sort itself out over time.

But I will say this…..I wanted a challenge and I’m definitely getting that, and not just the challenge I signed up for. Happy about that? Nah, but life is funny in that way. So me and my excess oil, stinky skin, will have to get onto the next thing. (shrugs)

 

 

Step up and introduce yourself:

My name is Tracey. I am on the brink of 30 and not really scared about it, yet. Apparently I am supposed to be. Over the last few years on my birthdays I have opted to set intentions, as opposed to getting myself a gift. I feel that I want to manifest that new year of life and really allow myself to grow in the ways I need to all while being completely open to the process.

When I turned 28, which is why I started this blog, I wanted to write about the journey of my prime years and I quickly realized that every year carries different weight, but all are important. 28 was the year of growth. That year I lost a lot. I let go of my longest love of 5 years, I moved out of what was our home and in with a roommate, something I hadn’t done since college. I had to redecorate my spaces and I realized my tastes had changed. I lost my job shortly after starting this blog because my company was going under.

During much of that time I received a ton of unsolicited advice. People loved telling me how to heal from a lost love and find a new man, how to get a new job, how to cope with my new surroundings, etc.  One thing I knew for certain was that I was much to creative and bright, like light, to stay in the finance job I was holding at the time.God was testing me and pushing me to where I needed to be, but frankly, I was just empty and lost. I decided to take some personal time to really discover where I was SUPPOSED to be in life. In that process I really started to be open to designing this new life I was set to find. I had to leave some people behind because they didn’t support my growth. I became friends with unexpected individuals. I forced myself to see the positives I had attained. I survived, telling myself that these were my valleys I had to go through, to get to the peak.

On other days I cried. I cried because letting go was hard. I had grown comfortable with the people around me and now they were gone. Who was I becoming? Where was my life going? I was terrified. Life completely fucked me, or so I thought. I spent a lot of time alone, because everyone was gone. I felt lonely, at first. Then I found things to fill my time. New things, things I used to do, things I found I didn’t like, things I once thought were strange I now found myself loving and drowning myself in. I went and did those “new to me” things and met “new to me” people who also enjoyed those things. With these new things and new people I learned about life and myself.

Letting go hurts, no doubt about that, but sometimes it’s necessary to show you what else is out there for me so that I could become well rounded and experience new things that would fall in line with the next chapter of where my life was heading.

Year 29 my intention was “adventure” since I felt I had grown a ton through losses and wins and letting go, and tears, I decided this year I’d manifest adventure and movement. I planned to moved to the west coast from sunny south Florida and try that on for size for a year or two. Life and my manifestations clearly had “adventure” planned for me. I now live in New York and that was all unexpected but the things I am now able to do living here have definitely allowed me to have many adventures. Unlike most people I am not a huge fan of New York. As a born and raised New Yorker I want more than this bubble. I wanted to see the world and moving back here to me symbolized the end of adventure and returning to mediocrity. I had to sit and talk some real shit to myself though because NY was happening and I needed to get on board quick.

I thought of all the things being here would allow me to do in regards to my adventure year. I decided that I would travel as much as possible, take road trips often. Within 10 hours of NY are too many places I have never seen, heard of, thought about and now I am going. Just simply getting up and going. I backpacked through Thailand and Singapore for a little under 6 weeks, took solo roadtrips to those new places I wanted to see and met some amazing people along the way. I also have spent much of my time soul seeking and rekindled friendships I had otherwise let flare out while away. Destiny knew i’d need to be someplace that would afford me the opportunity to adventure in this way, and New York has shown me that adventure is everywhere. Ill keep y’all posted on my adventures.

So 29 is half way, and more or less over at this point and in honor of my ½ birthday I want to take inventory of where I’m emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically at.

This is me at 29 ½:

• I am a free spirit
• I laugh a lot
• My laugh is annoying
• I smile often
• I’m a spartan
• I have a temper sometimes (act like you don’t)
• I am a sugar addict
• I love hugs and kisses
• I’m very affectionate
• I suck at calling people back if it isn’t business or work related
• I love heavy blankets and cuddling
• I love hiking
• I live for random trips
• Grilled cheese, in any form, is LIFE
• Striving to find balance
• Learning to accept that I can’t do everything, I can only do what I can do
• I overwhelm myself with problems that aren’t mine because they belong to people I care about.
• I am a nurturing soul
• I am sometimes not nice to myself. I need to grant myself more grace when I fail.
• Rejection has become a lifestyle, so I’m learning how to be insensitive to people’s views and their opinions, because they aren’t facts.
• I soak it up small things like a sponge.
• I will not put in effort for those who are not grateful towards me consistently. I rather have you be upset with me and have exerted no energy rather than exhausted myself to have you complain.
• I have learned the art of saying “No” when I cant or don’t want to do something
• I am growing
• I am mindful, compassionate and merciful
• I am evolving and will continue to be amazed and be amazing.

Year 30 I am waiting for you ❤

 

My life is generally a surprise, especially to me.

My life has been a series of changes for the past 2 years every 6 months I am living in a new location and having to make new friends, deal with new everything. Some changes have been planned, others sporadic. For a period of time I had been telling myself that I have to just go with the flow and allow what will happen to happen. I am a firm believer that there is a divine plan that conspires to put me in situations I’m supposed to be in, meet people I am supposed to meet, and live in places where all those things will work together in cohesion. Since the last 2 years has been a complete flip from the consistency that was my life, a ton of losses and many wins, I decided that in order to not drown in sadness of the things I was losing that I would make it a point to acknowledge the things I still had, and the new things I received.

It’s very easy to allow life to swallow you when it seems like everything is going wrong. The best thing I did for myself was make a conscious decision to find a little sweet spot in all the chaos that was my life. Kind of like a little dessert that I can have for myself to add a little bit of calm to the storm. Some people have self gifting days where they do simple gestures of appreciation for themselves to add happiness, which from time to time I do for myself, just to love on myself and reward myself for making it through. But now, I am looking to seek the happiness in all the dark spots. Meaning, as opposed to creating new loves, find the ones that are already there.

I want to allow myself to be gracious and show gratitude in my life because I never know what is going to build me, even if right now its breaking me. Gratitude journaling isn’t a new concept but it has become a best practice for my daily living that has allowed me to see the little sparkles in the darkness, that at times, attempts to consume me.

Ok yes, at first it can really seem to be just another thing I have to remember to do, on top of all the other things I have to do, but the benefits are so amazing that I will continue to make time to do it. All the things that serve you deserve your attention. It allows me to look at life in a way that makes me appreciate the positive events in your life or the positive spiritual/emotional lessons learned throughout the day or week, depending on if your journaling daily or a few times a week. I have learned so much about myself through doing this process because I can clearly see the thing in life that are clearly important to me, allowing me a sense of clarity in my path. We focus so much so on the things that affect us negatively that we forget to acknowledge the little things that make us smile, even if its just briefly. I want more of those little moments so how can I crate them? First it is important to know what makes them, and do more of that thing, and less of the other stuff.

Help transform your thoughts by finding the positive side of negative situations by rewriting the script to your life. I have said many times before that you assign an emotion to a situation in your life. It is up to you to reassign an emotion to a “negative.” For instance; If you go on a date with a man and he never calls you again, its ok. The universe is protecting you from this man, be ok with people walking away. They are doing you a service, not a disservice. How about when a friend or family member reveals their true intentions. It hurts like a Bit*h, but now you know to no longer trust that person with certain things anymore, or at all.

So be thankful that the universe/God/ the forces etc are on your side by keeping people away who aren’t good for you. Be thankful for good girlfriends, sisters, etc  who will down some wine with you when times are slightly rough. Or to that bigger than usual wine glass in your cabinet, always willing to hold it down.

The one thing I can say though is that I would suggest for starting point to go for depth over breadth. Elaborating in detail about a particular person or thing for which you’re grateful carries more benefits than a superficial list of many things. It allows you to relive that moment and recall exactly how you felt in that moment when its detailed, versus just skimming over the sensation. Life will hand you lemons, its up to you to decide if your going to suck them, make lemonade, make margaritas or if you are going to blend it with other fruits and make completely new flavored lemonades. Life will happen but your mindset determines how you are going to flow through life. Use this as a way to cultivate a greater sense of happiness and optimism about your life, and find new Vino along the way!

As the New Year approaches and we start to make our new years resolutions take the time to really evaluate what matters to you most. Gain some clarity in your purpose. This is the perfect time to evaluate who deserves to make the transition into the new year with you. Do they vibe on the same frequency as you? Do they lift you up? Do they help you grow? Do they keep you accountable to self? Do they fall in alignment with the direction your life is heading?

Grab pen and paper and describe the life you would live, in as much detail as possible. If money was no object: Where would you live, how would you spend your days, How would you feel, and who would you spend your time with and doing what? Find the recurring themes and work towards those goals this year, editing and rewriting as necessary through the year.

If money wasn’t a concern/if I won the lottery, my life would look a little something like this:

No debt. I’d live in a small cottage with an amazing view in my yard, no mosquitoes, and amazing landscapes. I’d travel a ton and get to know people from all over. Immerse myself in new cultures and learn from each place. Live as the locals do, no tourist ish. Absorb the beauty of their land, their language, be a citizen of the world. I’d love to sip tea daily in new places or in my favorite spot in my house. My house would have tons of windows letting in tons of light and open concept with not many walls just flowing rooms from one to another. Bedroom door made with French doors. Simple art, with pictures of things and people I love. I seek peace and to be surrounded by beautiful and peaceful things. The ability to go out and have dinner with yummy foods. Being around people if I choose to and not around them when I don’t want to.

I seek comfortable living. I don’t need a big house or a million possessions. Big houses seem cold, I want small and intimate, surrounded by candles and light. Comfy couch perfect for cuddling, reading, and watching tv. Modern style with old school charm. I want a fireplace. A nice yard for entertaining and having friends over for dinners and ladies night to sip wine and talk wrapped in blankets by a firepit. This is the life that would be ideal. I don’t desire to go to dinners that cost thousands, just dinners that offer me good food, and good vibes. Everything I do in life I just want to be comfortable.

If I had tons of free time, I’d love to spend it in a hammock with my partner or my baby. Spreading love and breathing love into another. Enjoying life through attention, quality time and understanding each other’s minds.

I want my work to matter. I want to help people see their full potential sooner than I was able to find it, especially black girls. I don’t feel like I had the right tools growing up. My parent did their best to show me what they considered better and now I want better than that. I want to show up for a job I actually want. I want to feel like an asset to someone and to my company. I want to see my work live on in others. You see my world isn’t run by money, yes its factored because I need to eat, but the things that truly matter to me cant be bought. I value connections with people.

I want to discover parts of me and figure out what causes me to be the way I am. I want to have flexible time, to wake up late sometimes, to take a class at the gym or just simply go for a walk, or lounge on the couch all day, just because I want to. I want to appreciate nature. Absorbing my surroundings. Documenting my world for others to appreciate, or learn from. I’m taking inventory so 2017 isn’t the typical F*ck people make money vibe…. It’s a love everyone and find happiness type of year.

“Adulting” is fucking hard. For those of you who are unfamiliar with “adulting,” it is the act of being an adult, especially for those of us who have no idea how to do it. School set me up to fail. When I entered the world of my parents not taking care of everything for me I didn’t know how to do my taxes, balance my check book, make a doctors appointment, let alone have health insurance, what to buy at the grocery store, and the list goes on.

Just last week I slipped and fell in my parents drive way  and my first thought was, “I’m too old for this.” I genuinely felt like my life should be more together and slipping and falling isn’t part of my getting it together plan, it’s actually opposite of that. As I lay in the driveway, skinned knee and hand, my scarf wrapped over my head, as oppose to where it was around my neck, in the cold rain, I just laughed. I mean really what the fuck else could I do. Yes it hurt to fall, but the fact that I thought I was too old to fall was hysterical. Who forgot to tell life that almost 30 year olds aren’t supposed to fall anymore? That shit is for the birds aka children!

As I walked inside my parents house my dad saw my bloody knee and was like, “How the hell did you fall?” I had no words, because what was I going to say, the truth wasn’t an option really. So I went with a typical shoulder shrug and went with “the ground is wet, it’s raining.” Shit got real when I asked if there were any bandaids in the house and my dad literally said, ” Why would I need bandaids in the house? There are no kids here.” Thanks Dad..stab to the back bro. It was then I knew I needed some help with this “adulting” crap because lord know I am failing miserably at “adulting.” So after talking to some adults who are more adultier than me, I’ve decided to share the trick to surviving adulthood.

1. When it comes to your business, everyone will always have an opinions, the only one that really matters is yours.

Its just that simple. You are the pilot on this flight. Decide for yourself. Decide how or where you will spend your time and your money. The days of people choosing for you are over, make changes if you need to, or simply just want to because out of everything you do, only you have to deal with the repercussions, no one else, so do you.

2. Ok so your single, the world doesn’t stop because of it.

Get out, meet new people, stop writing off making new friends because you think you’re “too cool”, ”not cool enough”, or “Too different.” News flash meeting new people opens up more opportunities than sitting at home or at a bar crying to anyone who will listen about how miserable life is, how all the “good ones” are taken. Really? Last checked majority of the world is still available so that’s not even likely, plus you haven’t met even a 1/3 of the people on this planet. Chill!! Go meet people.

3. Life will feed you what you work for.

Don’t cry about it if you haven’t actually done the work. At this point in your life you have realized life is fucking hard. You have watched teaches pet win accolades you felt you deserved, not them, you watched people land jobs that they are 100% not qualified for, you watched the town whore get married before the good girls, blah blah yes life shits on you, but its how you play the hand you are dealt. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take a second and do some self-inventory, you might be surprised at how much you have accomplished and see new ways to catapult yourself into new opportunity.

4 . Just because your not being graded on “adulting” doesn’t mean its not happening.

You are graded on what kind of heart you have, the people you keep around you, how genuine you are, how you handle stress, how you handle sadness, happiness, etc. Life is testing you daily to see if at the core you are who you think or say you are. Work on being more genuine to your true self. Being disingenuous hurts no one but you, ultimately. S let go of people who no longer fit in your life, toxic people, clothes that don’t fit or age appropriate, de-clutter your business life, personal life, social life and re-arrange it to be conducive to your true self. You outgrow things sometimes and its ok to acknowledge that.

5. Stop glorifying being an asshole.

Committing acts of douche bag-ary are not ok people! I get that it’s a defense mechanism to guarding ones self, but honestly its just overdone. You could be pushing away potential opportunities because you think you are a mess and are ok with being a mess. Gain a sense of structure and get it together.

6.  There isn’t a “right way” to do things.

Everyone’s struggle is different, everyone’s journey is different, its ok to go it alone for a while to figure it out if you need to. Stop comparing your life to anyone else’s. Your 20s are for figuring it out, figuring you out,so I think its safe to assume then your 30s are for implementing, making some shit stick. Do what feels right to you and for you.

Brave on my fellow adults, because this shit is harder than they lead us to believe, but we got this, sort of.

 

“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”

What are your intentions for me? Do you want a future?  Or is just sex? Will you allow me to chose or will you make the decision for me, without my knowledge or my consent? 

Men love to say women can’t handle the truth; the reality is they can’t openly say I just want physical relationship. As opposed to setting false expectations for a women, being truthful could possibly keep them from getting what they want. Fuck that selfish mentality! Some women are OK with physical relationship, yet other women are actually seeking more. Allow us, who want more, to make the decision for ourselves,  don’t force us into a situation based on lies and deception. Then those same men have the audacity to get upset when those women thought it was more than it was, when you’re the one who set the precedent of what it was.

There are men who use our (womens) bodies as a vessel of pleasure and while he leaves feeling fulfilled, we are left feeling empty. He has emptied the content of his manhood into your being. He now leaves to carry that same act on with another, leading her to believe she is something special, when she too is just another vessel to empty himself into. Men will be men, they have been since the beginning of time.

Allowing this to continue knowing the game shows him that you don’t value yourself so he doesn’t have to either. What is between your legs is gold. Treat it as such. Don’t cheapen yourself for the sake of a body laying next to you at night. Let than man taste your mind, your soul, your cooking, sample your thoughts, digest your words before he can even begin to think he is entitled to your gold. “If you don’t give it to him someone else will”….ok let them. That’s all they have to offer anyway. Only those who bring something to this table can feast and just bringing the dick isn’t enough. I like pizza but that cant satisfy my every need. Men are the same. Find a man thats kind, who can laugh with you, makes you feel safe, who thinks you are annoying as fuck, but enjoys being around you anyway. Find a good man, yes they exist.

So go ahead and ask! What are your intentions for me?

It’s worth the wait, sometimes you will mess up and deal with the wrong ones and they hurt you, but thats ok. Learn the lesson and move on. Only what you allow will continue. Stay bright my loves xoxo