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When I was a little girl, I would sneak into my parents room, long before my siblings would wake up during the summer to claim the “good tv.” In our house, my siblings and I started an unnamed war over tv’s. We had 2 TVs in the house, one in my parents room and the other in the living room. The living room tv was shared among the family, while my parents tv was technically off limits to us.My parents preferred us to watch tv as a family (yea they were THAT family). When they left for work, their room was free for the taking (as long as you cleaned up after yourself, it wasn’t a big deal.)

I would wake up early enough to claim it for myself, making sure to turn it on, so my siblings knew it was taken, and then I’d fall back asleep in my parents bed. Why go through all that? My siblings enjoyed shows I didn’t.While they were watching The Ninja turtles, Pokemon, or what I will refer to as “their shows,” I wanted to watch, The View, and the other female led talk shows of that time; Sally, Ricky Lake,…. We’re talking the original View crew. I soo badly wanted to be them. I wanted THAT job. I would mimic how they spoke, give my own opinions to concepts they were discussing. I just knew I would end up on that platform. My biggest set back was that I was a kid.

Over the years that dream continued to evolve and the desire become stronger and stronger. When middle school reached I started trying to get auditions in NYC on my own.My parents and I did not agree on my path. I had to find. away without them. Problem was I still sounded like a child. And my sister, who I used to have call on my behalf, was even younger and younger sounding. Several hung up calls later I just settled to wait until I could drive myself there that my dream was on hold. Didn’t stop me from practicing though. Every day I was getting on my zoom, so to speak for 12/13year old. 18 was only a few years away and I could wait that long.

My dad gave me this old TV/recorder that he had and I would take my allowance and buy blank tapes with it and interview my siblings, cousins and friends. I really thought I was somebody. Shoutout to my family for letting me use them as a guinea pig. My first ever podcast.

In high school, I joined the mock trial team. I just knew I was going to be a live debater, but not in politics, that was never my beat. I ate the girls up in mock trial! Everyone just knew I was going to be a lawyer. I knew that was not even slightly in the cards. I was a justice warrior but not enough to want that life. I just wanted to learn how to debate and be a good conversationalist, because when The View or Regis and Kelly came calling, I was going to be ready!

18 came and I did in fact move to NYC! I went to college, and mid sophomore year I got a job at PBS/ NY1 for a Saturday morning news magazine called Transit Transit News magazine . I started as an intern and shortly after was promoted to a script writer, then moved over to editing. One day on shoot at grand central terminal, I found myself behind the camera and there I knew I’d stay, and did! It was there, at “TTNM” I created the lifestyles/ features programming, that prior to me, had not existed. My director gave me a chance and liked where I was going with it, so he let me pitch all my stories instead of having them handed to me. I was handling everything fitness, wellness and baby I was LOVING it.

Senior year I moved on from that role. I started a podcast with a classmate, but since podcasts were literally at the stage where NPR was really it and morning news show, we were not a hit.After graduation I saddled myself into a corporate role because people around me told me that was the sensible thing to do. There I remained for years, the dream slowly dying within me, every so often reminding me it was there. I followed every whim and learned what I need to, I talked to God about it often and kept trucking.

Every job I had I was told I had too much personality to be behind a desk. Multiple companies later, same insight. I was too big for those spaces. I wanted more. I knew what I wanted, but I also knew that initial job in the industry left a crappy taste in my mouth, so I was hesitant to reintegrate in that space. It took me years to finally get back to it. In 2015 when I started this blog I wanted it to be a space where I could keep track of the lessons I encountered, the growth I was experiencing and sharing it with you all along the way, and here in 2023, not much has changed. In time, I’ve gained more wisdom and experience, and for that I am grateful.

I say all of that to say this. The little girl in me knew all along what she wanted. She knew that it was not going to be easy. She did not know the turns it would take to get there, or how far technology would have evolve. But she did know that she could do anything, she knew what she wanted and fought for it. she knew she had something to say and if being called a “chatter-box” in class was not enough of a revelation then God continuing to bring me back to this is all the proof I need.

As kids we are given our gifts to discover and build over time. Even if we miss the first calling, there are many more that come in life. In my opinion, the calling gets louder and harder to ignore as you approach mid-life. When I turned 30 I made a commitment to give it everything I have. I got a job at a huge media company and produced so many events, wellness workshops, mindfulness events, self -care events for several different sectors in the company, mainly focusing on diversity and giving voices to practitioners who were not mainstream but have diverse perspectives and alternative approaches. I partnered with multiple desks to create internal work that I knew would build my resume and help me find my footing in the new world, while still having the comforts of a consistent paycheck.

Those years taught me what I was like to finally have autonomy, waking up, working out, etc. Now that the expectations is for me to go back to work, I don’t think that works for me. I would hate to reach 60 and never have done anything more than what I’ve done. Baby me would be so proud of me. Maybe I’m not on the view, but I’m at a huge publication and thriving internally, now to bring that outwardly. I am the CEO of my career and this is what I choose. I pray God continues to put people in my life that will mention my name in rooms I’ve not yet entered. I pray he continues to provide opportunity and inspiration. I pray he gives me success and the skills to maintain it. My advice, remember who you were before the noise, before the doubt, before the world shamed you into thinking you were not good enough. Disengage from that and step into your own light.

One thing my mother was always good at doing, was calling out the people who were never my friend. She had a bit more wisdom than I did, but I thought I knew better, I knew more. Against her guidance, I continued to pursue relationships with these so called “friends” and boyfriends and each time I would end up like a wounded puppy.

At the worst of it, it left me feeling not enough, and feeling unlovable. There is a point in life when you realize that the people around you are a reflection of your self-worth and how you think you deserve to be treated. When you feel worthy enough, you will change your posture and God will hand you the people you NEED around you.

A few questions to ask yourself before we start

• Who do you keep around you?
• Who are your closest friends?
• Do you share values?
• How and why did you become friends?
• What role do they play in your life?
• Do these people help you in your personal growth and development?

This concept of community emphasizes the impact that our relationships and the company we keep can have on our personal growth and development. Let’s get into further explaining this process.

Influence and Inspiration

Are you around people who influence your thoughts, beliefs, and actions positively? Positive, motivated, ambitious individuals can inspire us to strive for greatness, help us to challenge ourselves, and pursue our goals.

That bring me to the next point…

Support and Accountability

Surrounding ourselves with supportive and like-minded people can provide a strong support system. When we falter, they will catch us, they will call us out when we are out of alignment, they will see us when we are drowning and help us float. They can offer encouragement, guidance, and hold us accountable for our actions, helping us stay focused and committed to our goals. It’s great to be self-disciplined and self-motivated, but in the moments when we slip, it’s even better to have someone around you who see’s your vision, who supports it and supports you to be the best version of self.

Energy and Attitude

The energy and attitude of those around us can impact our own mindset and outlook on life. Positive, optimistic individuals can uplift us and contribute to a healthy and constructive atmosphere, fostering personal growth and well-being.

In that same way, friends who always want to point out the negative, laugh at anything new, refuse to be open to different perspectives, prevent you from growing. They tend to be in fear of change and anything that will ultimately help re-shape your identity because comfort and complacency trumps all else. These people will keep you stuck and stagnant. RUN!There are women out there ready to share their knowledge and help you get on your feet.Trust God, and your discernment to let them into your life.

Opportunities and Networks

Our social circles often times provide opportunities for personal and professional growth. These people will help connect you with other individuals who have diverse skills, experiences, and networks, we can gain access to new knowledge, resources, and opportunities that can propel us forward.These people will mention your name in rooms you only dreamed of being in. They will share your work, without the need to ask.

The people we associate with can also serve as mirrors. These mirrors reflect aspects of ourselves back to us. By surrounding ourselves with individuals who possess qualities and values we aspire to cultivate, it can encourage self-reflection and ultimately, personal development.Being around people who inspire and motivate us, helps us stayed aligned with the higher frequencies. Being around lower frequencies, do the same, drags you down a bit deeper.

Where can you meet likeminded people?

Honestly, that all depends on you. Like attracts like. You first have to become ‘HER’, whatever that looks like for you. The envisioning practices we did earlier will help you with this.

You can join activities:

• Church groups
• Company ERGs (Employee Resource Groups)
• Women’s groups
• Hiking groups
• Brunch x professional groups
• Industry professional groups

Women, tend to like to build communities of support, a tale as old as time. There are many out there to find, and if your community does not have one, looks like it’s the perfect time for you to start one.

In summary, the phrase ” You are the sum of people you keep around you,” suggests that the individuals we choose to spend time with can significantly impact our personal growth, mindset, and overall trajectory in life. By consciously selecting positive, supportive, and inspiring individuals, we increase our chances of becoming the best version of ourselves and achieving our goals.

-Trace my journee

Now that you understand your values and have set your new boundaries lets kick it up a notch. By now I hope you’ve sat down to truly think about and envision the next version of your life. You’ve reflected on what has worked in your past, what has not, combed through some trauma and now it’s time for you to start making a plan and taking action. Action comes in so many ways. It is not always, “These are the companies I will reach out to for a new job.” or “These are the types of jobs I want.” Yes, that important, but more deeply than that, ask yourself;

“Is this a good fit?”

A large part of what majority of gurus teach, is about the path of least resistance. Moving from a space that feels effortless. Being led by passion, pursuing what makes sense for you in that moment. A major facet to change is altering and pivoting in ways that are fluid and trusting it will lead you where you need to be.

Path of least resistance

• Does this feel good?
• Do I enjoy this?
• How do I feel when doing this?

When you’re clear on this, you can start to connecting with the people around you who inspire you, motivate you, keep you accountable, and will walk with you. It is also equally as important to connect with people in different spaces of life than you. Everyone, including children, can teach you something. Be open!

Whoever I need to connect with, place them in my path

We are all new at some point. Choosing to pivot, in life or career, means you are CHOOSING to launch yourself into everything new.

This is a phase of being in:

• New spaces
• New activities
• New conversations
• New connections

Once you settle in a choose to evolve intentionally, ask the universe to align you with these people. Let them find you by you simply just being and doing what you do. That brings me to point number 2.

Trying to get there by yourself is pointless

A large part of human experience is connection and community. Yes, life is a individualistic experience, but it is meant to be shared a shared experience with others.Create space for connection.

In this stage, hold onto the belief that the people around you, will bring up your work in that room. These are the people who will mention you when someone mentions need of your particular skills. These are the ones who will speak so highly of you, others will want to know you for themselves.

God gives you resources so you can use them. In some cases the resources he gave you were in the forms of people and access. Life and progress is a combination of who you know, what you know and how you steward over that which you ask God for.

Stay focused

In order to be the kind of person who gets mentioned in rooms or is inspiring to others, you have to be doing the work. Maybe you’re not in the role you want to be in at work, but you have access to be in the rooms, or can meet with someone in the rooms, to learn from.

In later posts and worksheets, I will break down more in depth ways to get on your bosses radar and to get yourself a promotion or pivot in your current company. I will also be breaking down what things you could be doing to better position you to companies and recruiters for an industry change.

It does not have to be perfect, and it’s ok for people to see your process. It is truly a humbling, cringy experience, but if it’s one thing I do know; it’s worth it. Documenting the journey also leaves you with something to look back on, and see how far you’ve come. The ultimate receipt for God’s grace and mercy.

-Trace my Journee

Waking up day after day, doing the same mundane tasks. Wake up, gym, work, home, make dinner, settle in, maybe watch tv for a few, bed, rinse and repeat, day after day. For years, I stood on the ground that I refuse to say the “D” WORD (MORE WIDELY KNOWN AS DEPRESSION) unless I have done all the things in my tool kit that typically bring me out of a funk.

Self-care Tool kit

• Get some sun
• Drink water
• Take a walk
• Move your body (workout, dance, yoga, etc)
• put on an outfit that makes you feel good
• Put yourself together (nothing too crazy, but go wild if thats your vibe and your energy allows)

Sometimes, that’s not enough though. What happens when you cant shake the funk? Ever thought that the reason you’re “stuck” is because you’re lacking creativity? Hear me out! What if it’s not depression, but lack. Lack of adventure, lack of experience, lack of culture, lack of newness, lack of adventure…lack, in general.

I know its 2023 and inflation is taking us all out, but if the option is available to you, and your willing to throw spaghetti to the wall and see what sticks to put reignite that fire, you may want to consider, even short term, stepping outside of yourself and your normal and making some big changes.

In order for things to change, things have to change!

Leaving your city, town, or state and moving (even temporarily) to a new location can have several positive impacts on both your mental health and career.

TMJs top 5 benefits of moving cities

1. Fresh Start Increasing the Odds for New Opportunities:

Moving to a new place provides you with a fresh start and the opportunity to explore new possibilities, or re-invest in old hobbies. Being in a new space opens up a wider range of career opportunities, as different locations have different industries, job markets, and networking opportunities. Look into cities that are booming in your industry and consider those states/cities first. You check out my Pivoting page for a detailed breakdown of industries by state.

2. Moving Prompts Personal Growth & Independence:

Remember, moving requires you to step out of your comfort zone. You are leaving your familiar surroundings, which can be scary, but will challenge you to be adaptable.No doubt you will be entering a process of self-discovery, which can challenge your self concept (who you know yourself to be). While that may be true, it will allow you to create that new version of yourself and discover new things about yourself. This process can allow you to fall in love all over again with your life and most of all, YOU!

3. Building a Professional Network:

Moving to a new town will connect you with people from diverse backgrounds and industries. You can use this to your benefit as it allows you to build valuable connections, find mentorship opportunities, which is ideal when your somewhere new. Learn from those around you. These connections can benefit your career growth and open doors to new possibilities.

The hardest place to flourish, is the place you grew up.

Bishop TD Jakes

4. Diversify Your Perspective and Cultural Exposure:

We all have them; preconceived notions. Moving to a new town will expose you to different cultures, perspectives, and ways of living. This exposure can broaden your horizons, enhance your understanding of the world, and challenge your preconceived notions. It can also improve your adaptability, empathy, and communication skills, which are valuable assets in both personal and professional contexts.

5. Increased Sense of Freedom and Autonomy:

Relocating to a new town can provide a sense of freedom and autonomy. It allows you to make decisions based on your own needs, preferences, and aspirations, rather than being influenced by the expectations and constraints of your friends, family and hometown. Remember when we were younger, the first taste of freedom we had…Nostalgia kicking in… The growth, the adventure, the yolo lifestyle, trying mew things, the innovation we had, the newfound freedom…everything we are trying to reconnect with honestly.

Remember, moving is not a solution for everyone. Moving to a new town is a significant decision that requires careful consideration and planning.

While changing your environment can bring many benefits, it’s essential to assess your personal circumstances, especially financial, job, mental health to evaluate the potential opportunities and challenges, and make an informed choice that aligns with your goals and priorities.

Check out my relocation guide to help you narrow down the place that would be the most ideal for you and your journey.

When I first started my fitness journey last year March, I was hell bent on taking studio classes and hitting the gym and y’all… sis was killing it in the gym! When I turned 32 I decided that by 33 id have the best body I had ever had, Id be the most full version of myself, and I was on track! BOOM! PANDEMIC! Gyms closed! I was devastated. I’d finally started building healthier habits, now EVERYTHING is shutdown. Game over right? WRONG! The way my determination was set up, I was getting this peachy ass, thigh gap and abs this year. You better believe it!

I started going for walks everyday in 36 degree weather. I hated being cold and bulky clothes were making it worse. I figured out how people who worked outside kept warm. I still didn’t see it then. I just knew I hated being inside. With the world shut down I couldn’t go anywhere except outside in the neighborhood. I committed to doing 10,000 steps a day. I was walking way more than this when I was in the city, so I was determined to at least move THAT much.

I started running randomly one day because it was raining. I hated running. On my run in the rain I thought of all the reasons why I hated running. I knew some people really enjoyed it, but why?! I knew people who were running 9miles a day/19 miles to train etc. This couldn’t be the same running I was doing and crying over. So I set out to try to “like” running. I committed to learning proper techniques and breathing. I committed to running everyday. Everyday I cringed when it was time, but reluctantly I did it because all these hours sitting on my ass at home I refused to not do at least 30 mins of movement.

 One day I was running through my neighborhood and out of nowhere I realized I was further from the house than I’d been and somehow just didn’t notice. I wasn’t out of breath, my feet weren’t hurting (the reasons I hated running) and in fact I actually felt energized. I started noticing the way the neighborhood was changing throughout the seasons. Watching winter turn to spring. The trees budding everyday, turning into flowers which would eventually fall and turn to green lush leaves, each tree with its only colors and types of leaves and plants. I had never paid attention like this before to the world around me. It was here I realized I have a tendency to disassociate (Ptsd vibes)  and these runs were allowing me to be more mindful about the spaces I enter.

Working from home is a privilege, yet despite that it is also very lonely in comparison to the 3000+ coworkers I have in the office daily. It is easy to fall into the pits of boredom and snacking, so I just kept myself busy. Slowly but surely I found myself doing more and more, less exhausted each time, stronger, faster.

After I ran for the 30 days I stepped on the scale and yall I GAINED weight!!!! Wtf!! Id done everything right. I ate well, hydrated, and was running 3 miles a day…3 MILES A DAMN DAY YALL!!!! Initially I was upset. All of that hard work and I hadnt lost, but gained.

I knew how I was, (easily discouraged) so I immediately rewrote the loss as a lesson. (ok positive self talk leggoooo!!!) I realized, although I did gain weight, I also gained stamina, endurance, stronger lung capacity, less aches, sharper focus, more present, less irritable. I found myself craving being outside, looking forward to the new running trails and biking trails I found. I spent hours exploring my neighborhood and playing in new spaces, by myself. Its not easy to have all this spare time to fill even with working 8hrs a day. My 4hr commute disappeared, the free snacks daily in the office gone, my routine flipped upside down. I remember thinking how exciting it is to be home and not have anyone breathing up under me like at the office, the train, i mean anywhere really bc in NYC are you ever really alone? Lonely, yes. Alone, no! I mean really, quarantine is an introvert’s heaven. I thought of all the alone time I’d now have to do WHATEVER I wanted, and despite the fact that it was winter I was determined to do all the things I did on the weekends, on the weekdays. I was full of excitement, because who wouldn’t want the opportunity to wfh and still live your best life. I was outside all the time. When it was cooler  I wore layers (i now understand layering), i covered my ears, I also so learned that so long as my legs are covered they dont care if its a little cold but MY CHEST…..oh she needs to be covered or there will be hell to pay. I spent a lot of this time sick lol because trial and error right. (Thought I had covid, turns out I had bronchitis twice!….bc who contracts another virus during corona -_- me…)

In the first 2 months of quarantine I lost 12 lbs. I was eating better, I was focused. Who knows when quarantine will be over, is what I thought.  I wanted to use this time wisely. Then the email came. We are out of work until September, it was April…bruh! That was a blow. One of the things I enjoyed most about work was going to the building and working with other creative, not always handing projects solo/virtually. I gained back all the weight in those next few weeks (cue depression). Then another email followed the next month, we aren’t going back until at the earliest January 2021. Ok so the novelty wore off, wfh is now my life, with the potential for permanent nature.

 I could have drowned in this but I had a decision to make. Was I going to sulk, or was I going to just adapt and build a life that I high key always said I wanted. I wanted to be able to control my own time, workout when I felt like it, not have a commute, able to cook my own food, take breaks when I felt like it…whew chile! This new life is LIT!  I built myself a she shed so I could work outside when the warmer months came, I started drinking tea in there in the winter snug in blankets just to experience the sun. I started looking forward to being outside, since the entire world was shut down. Since I could only do things solo I picked up new hobbies, reinvested in old hobbies, got a few more plants, considered a pet, didn’t get a pet, still considering pet (I’m a Libra) I struggle with decision making. I have to weigh ALL the options(PTSD) or be impulsive (thanks ADHD) hence the problem. Fun stuff….anyway…

Here we are 6 months into WFH and I am amazed at the changes that have taken place. I’m seemingly watching people get swallowed by staying home all day….and here I am. What made me different?

Honestly………..PTSD/ADHD and my introversion has prepared me for this my whole life. PTSD, coping mechanisms created space for me to create and adjust a routine. ADHD kept me alive with a need to be stimulated, constantly and by things I loved. Being an introvert I also prefer to do most things alone, so that was the real highlight. It didn’t bother me the way I watched others struggle to be with themselves, I started to feel guilty for being so ok with being alone majority of the time when people were struggling, like really struggling. It’s interesting how the 2 things I though would keep me down, and I was always told would keep me down in childhood, in adulthood are the very things that have helped me through this.

I still mourn the loss of my old life, aka 2019 (seems sooo long ago), as we most do, but the one I’ve created in 2020, while not ideal, is not half bad. This is the most connected to myself I have ever been. I really needed this pause. Not to mention I was in an accident in January in which I suffered a concussion that kept me out of work til the 1^st week of March, and then was sent home for corona a few days later. I worked in the office for a solid 12 days this year.  So I have had tons of time, better yet, I’ve had nothing but time. In the coming posts I will share some of what I have done, how things have changed, the new upcoming changes, 2020 is about to be one for the books. Mark my works! This will be THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!  I claim it! Join me? Share some of your 2020 wins with me. What new things are y’all doing?

Why do we travel? I’m sure for each one of us the answer will be different. Many travel to escape life and its stressors, some travel for pleasure to relax, some of us make this our lifestyle. I am the latter obviously. I travel because I value experiences and adventure, yes over owning a home, in this current space in my life. Traveling requires sacrifice and discipline, because guess what, traveling isn’t cheap! All of that, to say this; If you know the right tips and tricks it’s absolutely something you can fit into any lifestyle.

The common misconception about traveling is usually cost and time. A trip to Connecticut from NYC cost $27 round trip and a possible Uber ride to your final stop. A weekend trip to Philadelphia, to try all the cheesesteaks, can either be 1 tank of gas round trip ($30-50), a cheap bus ticket ($35), or a possible train ride ($89). All under $100, which is less than a night of drinks and dinner. Skipping out on 1 or 2 outings with friends can leave you with extra money to use for traveling. Poppin bottles in the club? Let’s not this month and spend that money on flights. New bundles? Bundles can be upwards of $300. That’s more than my entire trip to lake Erie for 6 days. Wear your natural hair and book a flight. There are ways to make it happen!

Personally, most times I have no idea where I am going next. . I am open to travel, destination not always predetermined. I generally wait until I get the travel alerts that say “fly as low as….” and then I see what options are available and depending if it makes sense or not I will book a trip that way. I once booked a trip to Guadeloupe simply because it was $47 going and $62 coming back. That’s less than my cellphone bill!

*Petite Bourg, Guadeloupe

The world is a large place, I want to see as much of it as possible in the time I have here on earth. I love learning about cultures, the people and their way of life, the food, music, nature, conversing and meeting other travelers and creating bonds with like-minded travelers.

10 years later of consistent travel, 3 of which I traveled more than stayed still, I would not have my life any other way. Documenting via Instagram [@defineme_Curly] has allowed me to update friends of family of what the world has to offer and what my place in it looks like. With the current movement around the “Black travel movement” and “black girls travel too” I have joined other black bloggers in telling my story. Welcome to the next chapter of Trace my journee. You have followed my lifestyle and my growth and now I welcome you to completely dive deep and learn how I manage to travel, discover the places I have been, or will go, ask advice. Here I will also showcase some of my tips and tricks on how I have managed to do this for so long.