Author: tracemyjournee

“Get out of your head and get into your heart. Think less, feel more.” ~Osho

Life has a way of guiding you to exactly where you need to be, with whom you need to be with, and hearing what you need to hear. Sometimes you need an extra push and you have to seek growth, seek change, and experience new things that might be outside of your comfort zone. No, but seriously, face your inner demons; own your responsibility, and be accountable to your happiness.

These are a few tips of things I have done that have helped me to really helped me on my journey of focusing on self-esteem and self-acceptance.

1.Be accountable for yourself and your actions.

I was once told that you frustrate yourself living in a false reality. You begin comparing your life to others instead of be grateful for what you currently have. You cant expect to have more if you are not doing more. You’re unable to appreciate things because you are to busy complaining about what you don’t have. Live through yourself and your own existence, and not through expectations either you have set or that have been set for you.

2.Read…. A lot!

 I have been on my journey for quite some time now and I have found that these books have really been such an amazing asset to have in my life;

The 4 agreements by Don Ruiz Miguel , Language of letting go by Melody Beattie, and Dear Woman by Michael Reid are some really inspirational books that I have read and really needed during this journey.

3.Take care of your physical, mental and emotional well-being.

This one is more simple written than applied, but probably one of the most important thing we all NEED to do. Get rid of toxic people, toxic tendencies and get moving!

4.Immerse yourself in hobbies/try new things.

 Find the fun in exercise: going for walks with your girls or with a significant other, zumba, hip hop classes, belly dancing classes, strip/pole dancing classes, yoga, swimming, beach volley ball, are just a few ideas that come to mind of random, yet fun things, I do for exercise. Lets face it, sometimes being in the gym sucks.!! Soooooo take it outside and trick your mind. Break a sweat doing something that makes you happy. It counts!

5.Meet new people just because.

 This one is self explanatory, sooooo yea. Go flirt with randoms, go strike up conversations just because. Go have fun!

6.Be ok with alone time.

Do the things you like by yourself or do something just because it makes you feel good or happy. You don’t always need to be around people. Sometimes being by yourself is the best way to get to know yourself. You don’t need to cater to anyone else’s needs or wants but your own. No compromising.

To the left to the left….I don’t got time for your sh*t ,so step to the left. Rhyming skills official. Or not…whatever. Haters never prosper!

You ever have that one friend that everything is ALWAYS wrong. That friend that can be or is very draining emotionally to be around. Never there to celebrate with you, but always down to complain with you. Envious of everyone else’s success, and constantly speaking on their downfalls. Like how can you be envious if you are sitting around doing nothing! Life doesn’t give you what you don’t work for!

While the person might not always walk around like a dark cloud, often times, more than not, they do. You find yourself at the point where talking to them ruins your mood, and irritates you. We can all get into a funk, but the problem is when you stay there, and now everything is a problem. Unfortunately, you find yourself wanting or needing a vacation from these types of people.

During this journey I realized that I had very toxic tendencies. I’m not going to blame that on anyone because the only person, who can control my actions, is me. For some time I used to be that person that if something bad happened, the whole damn world was ending. Drama queen to the tenth power! Call the pope, prepare my funeral .I’m dead! (no but really -_-)

Lost a few friends over it, not going to lie, cant blame them, but definitely gained some many needed lessons and teachings about myself. I found that I surrounded myself with people with like tendencies, people who liked complaining and being negative. Regardless of if they saw that they were this way or not, I saw it, and we would feed off of each other. Not to say I had an epiphany of anything, but one day as I listened to a friend really blowing things out of proportion, I really woke up! Like how could she not see the part she played in this situation she found herself in? Like its never THAT serious.

Now, I am not going to put all her business out there, because I just won’t, but long story short, I saw myself in her. I was, to say it nicely, disgusted. Shit, I don’t want to even be friends with my damn self if this is who I’m going to be. As much as I love my friends, I had to let certain friendships fizzle out because they just weren’t good for me.

Once I distanced myself from those individuals I felt different, more happy, lively. I saw how I started viewing things differently. Small things were just that, small. I even found myself looking at bigger things, as small things. I established faith in God, energy and karma and that so long as I put positive vibes out, positive vibes would breed.

Now, lets be real. Life has a way of really wanting to shit on you when you’re trying to do better, but the devil is a lie, so I will always prosper. The devil tried it though, I’ll say that.; BUT they way my life is set up, I will always be alright. Crashed my car, ok whatever, I got a new one, Broke my wrist, ok so what, ,it healed. Let it be known I rocked that cast like it was a fashion accessory. Those of you who follow me on Facebook or IG can attest to that lol. Tires and rims were stolen off my new car ,right in front of my house, ok that’s what insurance is for, Replace them! Thankfully, my mom paid the deductible because she saw how life was handing me shit to make gourmet meals out of. Despite it all I never cried, not once. I just wrote it off as everything happens for a reason….moving on.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in “woe is me,” especially when life is really coming for you and you did not send for it. At those moments you just need to keep pushing. As cliché as it sounds, the biggest blessings come from the worst storms. For example: The week I had walking pneumonia I couldn’t leave the house. I used that time to really focus on me, my writing, and cleansing my life. I could of just sat here n been salty. Oh woe is me I’m sick AGAIN. Whatever I’m always sick, that’s how my immune system is set up, I’ll survive. Like my little cousin Vanesia said, “oh your sick, what do you have now?” Like bro seriously it’s never just a cold lol I could be mad about it BUT Brightside…. I didn’t have to drive into Miami those few days, sitting in traffic for 4 hrs each day going and coming combined, or pay toll, and to top it off I was still getting paid! Whoop whoop! Who mad? Not me. Me and my bed are one!! (attempted twerk session poppin off right here)

Point is this. Life happens! Ok so I’m going church on you real quick, but follow me because there is a point, I swear. A few weeks ago my church was doing a “Fast Forward” series. The series spoke about 4 main aspects of your life that really need some loving; Financial, Physical, Faith and Emotional. The week we spoke about faith my pastor hit me with some real ish y’all. He said, “You can’t say you trust something, but when times get rough, you run from it. That’s not faith…that’s convenience.” Pause—read that—absorb it. YASSSS!!! You better preach pastor!! You can’t say that you trust in the process of life and every time something shoots you down, you stay down or just complain about. Trust that things will always work out, you will always find a way, that’s FAITH! You do not want to shipwreck your faith. That doesn’t only talk about faith in the Almighty, but faith in the things you have built like friendships, relationships, businesses’, etc.

How you think determines how you view things. Don’t live as a prisoner to your uncertainty. Process through the positivity and you will have the strength to press on. Position yourself to succeed.

1.Start with yourself—“Be the change you want to see”

2.Start early- “Early bird gets the worm”

3.Start small “Do not bite off more than you can chew”

4.Start now “You have to start in order to finish”

Do not be that friend that someone needs a vacation from. Do not be that person people dread being around. Do not fall victim to all negative circumstances. Take ownership of your life, your circumstances and you will be radiant and powerful. But really though I probably should preach a sermon, because admit it, I just killed that! *Pats self on the should without breaking shoulder blades… WHADDUP!!

How can I change my attitude and the way it relates to the events that happen in my life? I have been in this mental space lately of really trying to delve deep and see how I am getting in my own way of my success. Not to say I haven’t been successful thus far in my life, whatever your definition of success is. My definition of success might vary from others, but I’ll feed you from my spoon so you can see how I feel I’m succeeding. I define success as being able to define my purpose, living in alignment with my purpose and my journey, living contently and not in fear of outside factors. Understanding my habits in creating success and how I allow external factors to misguide my mind, my actions and my reactions is my main focus these days.

HOW DO I CHANGE MY ATTITUDE AND THE WAY IT RELATES TO EVENTS I EXPERIENCE?

I have realized that certain internal thoughts, and the way I process them, are a major component in how I live. I listened to a podcast recently about “Self-talk” and it truly opened my eyes to the way I psych myself out sometimes thinking something is not for me because of the challenges. I think sometime we allow trials and challenges defeat us and we take that as a sign that maybe the thing we are striving for isn’t meant for us, when in actuality there will always be challenges. If it was easy everyone would be successful. Continued success is not for the fare hearted or the lazy. It requires work, endurance, resilience, determination and heart.

I once heard someone say, “Thoughts lead to feelings…feelings lead to actions/responses…responses lead to results.”

There are going to be times you have to realize your “Self-Talk.” You are forced to go through a process where you either edit your thoughts and get rid of them or learn to simply accept them. This process involves more than your own thoughts, it involves how those around you influence your thinking.  There are times the people who are around you are envious of your moves, your success and for whatever reason they feel the need to throw shade on your success or transitions. Re-evaluate your friends. How many of your thoughts and friends are in alignment with what you say you want to be and how many are destructive to your purpose.  You are in your own way! Manage your own self and develop the right habits. It is not easy to find balance and synergy, but it is important to your success that you do.

Aside from thoughts and friends/family, you also need to assess what do you spend your time doing. Are those things conducive to what you’re trying to be, grow into, do etc. The perfect way to do that is to keep track of your time and see where you are wasting time and how you can allocate time to ways to build something, rather than wasting it.

Your success isn’t going to follow the same recipe as another’s success. You have to follow your own path, create your own journey, and get to your definition of success. Do not be swayed by others definition of success. Alter your habits, your inner circle, you mental structure, your time and figure out what is better suited to your journey.

Like they say in school, “KEEP YOUR EYES ON YOUR OWN PAPER!”

At 16 I assumed I’d be rich, married with 1.5 kids by 28 and clearly I was overzealous because that’s not the case. Not even close! I live comfortably, I travel often,  and I currently have no kids. I have moved 4 times these past 3 years. According to studies and many statistics 1/3 of people in their 20s move every year. I have to agree! I need to experience different areas so I can decide what area better reflects my lifestyle and needs. I don’t want just one version of society shaping my perceptions. I need to experience different ways of living, thinking and doing. I think it helps me be a better-rounded individual.

Apparently, most 20 something’s go through an average of seven jobs before the time they reach 30. Lord knows I have not found the one job that is my passion, other than writing and being creative, that keeps my attention. If the job doesn’t fulfill my needs I’m out! Your 20’s are about figuring out where you want to be, what kind of job you want to grow with. Think about it this way…You grow up having your parents tell you what to do. You get to high school and you can make a few more decisions for self, but still guided by your parents. In college you get tons more freedom to decide the paths you want to walk, but unfortunately you’re tied down to one major in the collegiate system. How do you really know that’s what you want to do FOREVER, never having done it before?? Legit…

This is my time of freedom. I’m not tied to anything. I can move at the drop of the dime if I wanted to, whether it be for a change of scenery or for a better job, a luxury married people are not able to do so easily. Feel things out. Life is trial and error. These are the fun parts of life, experimenting and experiencing.

So maybe you can’t just walk into Givenchy and buy those new boots or new bag, Michael Kors might not even be in your price range. Hell, Calvin Klein might not even be in your price range and you might be sporting a Steve Madden bag even, but don’t be so hard on yourself. Life gets better. Let’s be real, most people can’t simply walk into those types of stores and buy what they want, but we sure think others can and we can’t.

Realistically life is like a bag of jelly-belly jelly beans. When you think  you’ve grabbed a pineapple flavored white jelly bean and it turns out to be coconut. Seriously You die a little bit every time it happens. Meaning sometimes you think something is one way  or will be a certain way and in reality it’s something completely different. Now while it sucks to be hyped for that pineapple jellybean and to get stuck with coconut, things could be worse. You could have picked licorice. Take things with stride.

At this point in life we are trying to find balance between needs and wants. It takes time, your not a failure if you haven’t gotten it right yet. Eventually you will get there. Pep talk complete…You’re welcome!

Hey hey! It’s Tracey of Trace my Journée. My friends have been trying to convince me for years to do this blog and I’m finally committing myself to this process. Apparently I have something to say that’s worth reading and/or listening to.

A little bit about me….

Ok so this all started because I decided that 28 would be my “prime year.” I don’t mean “Prime year” as in the best year of my life , but in the sense of the year of self discovery, self identity,travel, the year that I refuse to settle for anything less, especially with mediocre friendships, romantic relationships, my career, my health, etc…

I’m a firecracker, according to most. Life comes at you fast, can’t slow it down. Nothing stays the same, so acknowledge we can’t wait for the “best parts” of life because NEWSFLASH, we are there now! We are always priming for something so this year I’m gearing up for adventures, unplanned trips, long nights, hard work, creativity, spiritual awakening, probably some heartbreak and tears, because those are the things life is made up of, and so much more.

Follow me on my journey of the year of 28 which includes self-reflection, getting it right, and oh so very wrong. I acknowledge that my way of doing things isn’t conventional, but that’s the fun of being me. What I do and how I do it might not work for anyone other than me, but I live unapologetically and that’s all I know how to do. I make mistakes and all I can do is learn from them.