When I was a little girl, I would sneak into my parents room, long before my siblings would wake up during the summer to claim the “good tv.” In our house, my siblings and I started an unnamed war over tv’s. We had 2 TVs in the house, one in my parents room and the other in the living room. The living room tv was shared among the family, while my parents tv was technically off limits to us.My parents preferred us to watch tv as a family (yea they were THAT family). When they left for work, their room was free for the taking (as long as you cleaned up after yourself, it wasn’t a big deal.)

I would wake up early enough to claim it for myself, making sure to turn it on, so my siblings knew it was taken, and then I’d fall back asleep in my parents bed. Why go through all that? My siblings enjoyed shows I didn’t.While they were watching The Ninja turtles, Pokemon, or what I will refer to as “their shows,” I wanted to watch, The View, and the other female led talk shows of that time; Sally, Ricky Lake,…. We’re talking the original View crew. I soo badly wanted to be them. I wanted THAT job. I would mimic how they spoke, give my own opinions to concepts they were discussing. I just knew I would end up on that platform. My biggest set back was that I was a kid.

Over the years that dream continued to evolve and the desire become stronger and stronger. When middle school reached I started trying to get auditions in NYC on my own.My parents and I did not agree on my path. I had to find. away without them. Problem was I still sounded like a child. And my sister, who I used to have call on my behalf, was even younger and younger sounding. Several hung up calls later I just settled to wait until I could drive myself there that my dream was on hold. Didn’t stop me from practicing though. Every day I was getting on my zoom, so to speak for 12/13year old. 18 was only a few years away and I could wait that long.

My dad gave me this old TV/recorder that he had and I would take my allowance and buy blank tapes with it and interview my siblings, cousins and friends. I really thought I was somebody. Shoutout to my family for letting me use them as a guinea pig. My first ever podcast.

In high school, I joined the mock trial team. I just knew I was going to be a live debater, but not in politics, that was never my beat. I ate the girls up in mock trial! Everyone just knew I was going to be a lawyer. I knew that was not even slightly in the cards. I was a justice warrior but not enough to want that life. I just wanted to learn how to debate and be a good conversationalist, because when The View or Regis and Kelly came calling, I was going to be ready!

18 came and I did in fact move to NYC! I went to college, and mid sophomore year I got a job at PBS/ NY1 for a Saturday morning news magazine called Transit Transit News magazine . I started as an intern and shortly after was promoted to a script writer, then moved over to editing. One day on shoot at grand central terminal, I found myself behind the camera and there I knew I’d stay, and did! It was there, at “TTNM” I created the lifestyles/ features programming, that prior to me, had not existed. My director gave me a chance and liked where I was going with it, so he let me pitch all my stories instead of having them handed to me. I was handling everything fitness, wellness and baby I was LOVING it.

Senior year I moved on from that role. I started a podcast with a classmate, but since podcasts were literally at the stage where NPR was really it and morning news show, we were not a hit.After graduation I saddled myself into a corporate role because people around me told me that was the sensible thing to do. There I remained for years, the dream slowly dying within me, every so often reminding me it was there. I followed every whim and learned what I need to, I talked to God about it often and kept trucking.

Every job I had I was told I had too much personality to be behind a desk. Multiple companies later, same insight. I was too big for those spaces. I wanted more. I knew what I wanted, but I also knew that initial job in the industry left a crappy taste in my mouth, so I was hesitant to reintegrate in that space. It took me years to finally get back to it. In 2015 when I started this blog I wanted it to be a space where I could keep track of the lessons I encountered, the growth I was experiencing and sharing it with you all along the way, and here in 2023, not much has changed. In time, I’ve gained more wisdom and experience, and for that I am grateful.

I say all of that to say this. The little girl in me knew all along what she wanted. She knew that it was not going to be easy. She did not know the turns it would take to get there, or how far technology would have evolve. But she did know that she could do anything, she knew what she wanted and fought for it. she knew she had something to say and if being called a “chatter-box” in class was not enough of a revelation then God continuing to bring me back to this is all the proof I need.

As kids we are given our gifts to discover and build over time. Even if we miss the first calling, there are many more that come in life. In my opinion, the calling gets louder and harder to ignore as you approach mid-life. When I turned 30 I made a commitment to give it everything I have. I got a job at a huge media company and produced so many events, wellness workshops, mindfulness events, self -care events for several different sectors in the company, mainly focusing on diversity and giving voices to practitioners who were not mainstream but have diverse perspectives and alternative approaches. I partnered with multiple desks to create internal work that I knew would build my resume and help me find my footing in the new world, while still having the comforts of a consistent paycheck.

Those years taught me what I was like to finally have autonomy, waking up, working out, etc. Now that the expectations is for me to go back to work, I don’t think that works for me. I would hate to reach 60 and never have done anything more than what I’ve done. Baby me would be so proud of me. Maybe I’m not on the view, but I’m at a huge publication and thriving internally, now to bring that outwardly. I am the CEO of my career and this is what I choose. I pray God continues to put people in my life that will mention my name in rooms I’ve not yet entered. I pray he continues to provide opportunity and inspiration. I pray he gives me success and the skills to maintain it. My advice, remember who you were before the noise, before the doubt, before the world shamed you into thinking you were not good enough. Disengage from that and step into your own light.