Have you ever heard the quote, “Indecision is a decision?” We can all get stuck in a cycle of dissociation when it comes to making hard decisions, I know I do. It seems easier, in the short term, to ignore the daunting tasks, but in the long term is just a nice lengthy session of self sabotage. In simple words, indecision leads to procrastination. I, too, don’t want to be responsible for making big decisions. Unfortunately/ fortunately being an adult is comprised of a series of decisions that will either catapult you closer or pull you further from your goals and goal life.

The goal is to start making your own decisions. You don’t NEED the validation from others confirming your choice or asking for their opinions on YOUR life. If no ones told you this before, let me plant the seed.You will be happier and more confident when you learn to trust your intuition. That’s the trick here! Trusting yourself and the universe to have your back!

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Some may consider this reflection, journal prompts or shadow work. Whatever you want to call it, I’ve compiled a few questions I ask myself when I am feeling a little stuck, avoidant, or scared of what’s next. All I ask is that you are open and take your time if you need to. You are working towards self evolution, there is only room for better habits. Habits are loops that we can alter through repetition. Sure, this may seem pointless. If you don’t want to write it out, talk it out loud. The point is to get out of your head and into your feelings, into your heart. Show up for yourself! You never know what will come of it.

1. Do you tend to make decisions from your head or your heart?

So often you may find yourselves making decision from a place of fear. A part of this process is removing the fear; Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of success. Instead of thinking about how you can get the systems in play to work for you, we want to focus on moving from a space of what feels good.

If you have a tendency to be an over-thinker, what would happen if you let how you feel guide you.

As children we operate from that space pretty naturally. Its when we a taught to self abandon, either through direct teach versus learned behavior, especially as women. We are taught our importance is in how well we can show up for others.Not about what feels good, true or aligned with our best interest. Im convinced that a part of being a “good women” is how well you can self abandon. In this process, really consider the systems you have and whether or not their actually yours or are the adopted? What FEELS true for you? Not what makes the most sense on paper.

2. What small decision changed the course of your life for the better?

Perspective is a funny thing. How easily can we forget everything we gone through and grown through. In the times when you feel stuck it’s helpful to remind yourself how far you have come. How much growth has taken place. Im sure there are multiple things, even happening on a micro level that have been the catalyst to some sort of change in your life. Whether it was choosing the college you went to. Going to that party and you happened to meet your partner there. Joining a run club and becoming a marathon runner or even smaller choosing that hair oil you have been researching for months and your edges are now flourishing. Whatever it is, this is a key move. “Pull the receipts” on yourself!

The universe orchestrates things to happen FOR you, not TO you. It’s all working together for your highest good.

3. Who do you want to be? and what would it take to be that?

You will hear me beat this drum, all day! I stand firm on the need to envision it, before you can ever receive it. Talking to God, the universe, whatever you call it. Asking for EXACTLY what you want. Asking them for the skills or the opportunity to learn the transferable skills needed to make it happen. Praying and asking for the ability to sustain it when I do receive it.I really like to work off inspiration. I’d even break this one down a bit further and as ask myself sub-questions like:

• What inspires me? Who inspires me?
• How do I want to feel?
• What habits do I need?
• Does this type of person wake up early?
• Do they read?
• Are they financial responsible? What does that look like for me?

There is power in the tongue. Writing it down is the seal. It is now a covenant between you and God, that if its fit your life, it will come to pass.

4.What do I need to heal in order to achieve my goals?

Healing is never linear. Just like evolution, it is a forever process. While what happened to us was traumatizing enough to leave it’s mark, part of the process is working through that and learning to move through it more easily. These triggers, if left unchecked, will eventually cause issues for future you. In 2020 when I first reached out to a career coach, I walked him through an extensive plan I had. Over the course of sessions we broke it down even further. I had a friend at the time who I shared this with and overtime I saw her constructing very similar goals. I left it bothered me enough that I let go of the desire to take that plan to completion. In my mind, I didn’t want to be in competition with anyone over MY ideas. I let the ideas stay dormant. Meanwhile, my friend is flourishing in that space.

I realized that I was not necessarily angry she was “copying” me, but I was I operating from a lack mindset.I believed that since she “took” my idea, that it was no longer worth producing. An Abundance mindset states, what’s mine, is mine. Only God can give and take away.

“I am the greatest obstacle to my dreams.” – Craig D. Lounsbrough

This man had the audacity to call me out and say, while all of that may be also. be true, lets not forget the fact that you let her actions deter you, which is more indicative of self-sabotage and fear of success. He really did not need to do all that because, when I say I was gasping for air?! Fear of success? WHO? ME!!? Apparently.

I say that to say this, healing has multiple facets. Healing is like an onion. We are constantly revealing new layers. It’s important to understand why we do what we do and how its keeping us stuck.

5. Describe a choice you regret. Why? What did you learn from it?

This is a great segway from the previous question. Strip this down to simple the word Accountability. Accountability is a tough pill to swallow. It may be easier to finger point or assign blame elsewhere, but nothing ever gets solved that way. The truth is ugly, but at least it is a starting point to recovery.A space of uncovering, seeing very clearly the reg flags where we went wrong, and recognizing the role we played in our own suffering.

My double edge sword I carry in life is that I think I can do anything! Now the faith I have in myself, and God, is bordering delulu (delusional), but when I say I have YET to prove myself wrong, why would I stop. HOWEVER, that does not mean things always go to plan. Even this blog, I am not a graphic designer, what do I know about web design? Truly, nothing outside of the HTML class I took in high school, and maybe myspace.

Again, I can do anything, right. So I will press all the buttons, preview all the features and see what they do. Let’s be clear, it may mess some things up, but learning to pivot and re-direct myself has taught me more than I would have ever known had I hired someone to do it.

Now the lessons I am learning are plentiful, but now if my site needs tweaking, I can do it. The original quote I received to create a site was upwards of $5k. Better believe I rolled up my sleeves and went to work figuring it out. There were times I was ready to toss my computer, but in the end, I now have a skill I would not have otherwise. It has allowed me to be more self sufficient on this road to becoming an entrepreneur. The road to get here, less than enjoyable, but now, with a little education and practice, we out here!

Trial and error is absolutely a part of life. Trusting that you know exactly the moves you need to make, trusting that you are capable, you can do anything, and choosing what direction you are going to go is the first step. Everything will start to unfold from there. One small step, unfolding gradually.