When I first started my fitness journey last year March, I was hell bent on taking studio classes and hitting the gym and y’all… sis was killing it in the gym! When I turned 32 I decided that by 33 id have the best body I had ever had, Id be the most full version of myself, and I was on track! BOOM! PANDEMIC! Gyms closed! I was devastated. I’d finally started building healthier habits, now EVERYTHING is shutdown. Game over right? WRONG! The way my determination was set up, I was getting this peachy ass, thigh gap and abs this year. You better believe it!

I started going for walks everyday in 36 degree weather. I hated being cold and bulky clothes were making it worse. I figured out how people who worked outside kept warm. I still didn’t see it then. I just knew I hated being inside. With the world shut down I couldn’t go anywhere except outside in the neighborhood. I committed to doing 10,000 steps a day. I was walking way more than this when I was in the city, so I was determined to at least move THAT much.

I started running randomly one day because it was raining. I hated running. On my run in the rain I thought of all the reasons why I hated running. I knew some people really enjoyed it, but why?! I knew people who were running 9miles a day/19 miles to train etc. This couldn’t be the same running I was doing and crying over. So I set out to try to “like” running. I committed to learning proper techniques and breathing. I committed to running everyday. Everyday I cringed when it was time, but reluctantly I did it because all these hours sitting on my ass at home I refused to not do at least 30 mins of movement.

 One day I was running through my neighborhood and out of nowhere I realized I was further from the house than I’d been and somehow just didn’t notice. I wasn’t out of breath, my feet weren’t hurting (the reasons I hated running) and in fact I actually felt energized. I started noticing the way the neighborhood was changing throughout the seasons. Watching winter turn to spring. The trees budding everyday, turning into flowers which would eventually fall and turn to green lush leaves, each tree with its only colors and types of leaves and plants. I had never paid attention like this before to the world around me. It was here I realized I have a tendency to disassociate (Ptsd vibes)  and these runs were allowing me to be more mindful about the spaces I enter.

Working from home is a privilege, yet despite that it is also very lonely in comparison to the 3000+ coworkers I have in the office daily. It is easy to fall into the pits of boredom and snacking, so I just kept myself busy. Slowly but surely I found myself doing more and more, less exhausted each time, stronger, faster.

After I ran for the 30 days I stepped on the scale and yall I GAINED weight!!!! Wtf!! Id done everything right. I ate well, hydrated, and was running 3 miles a day…3 MILES A DAMN DAY YALL!!!! Initially I was upset. All of that hard work and I hadnt lost, but gained.

I knew how I was, (easily discouraged) so I immediately rewrote the loss as a lesson. (ok positive self talk leggoooo!!!) I realized, although I did gain weight, I also gained stamina, endurance, stronger lung capacity, less aches, sharper focus, more present, less irritable. I found myself craving being outside, looking forward to the new running trails and biking trails I found. I spent hours exploring my neighborhood and playing in new spaces, by myself. Its not easy to have all this spare time to fill even with working 8hrs a day. My 4hr commute disappeared, the free snacks daily in the office gone, my routine flipped upside down. I remember thinking how exciting it is to be home and not have anyone breathing up under me like at the office, the train, i mean anywhere really bc in NYC are you ever really alone? Lonely, yes. Alone, no! I mean really, quarantine is an introvert’s heaven. I thought of all the alone time I’d now have to do WHATEVER I wanted, and despite the fact that it was winter I was determined to do all the things I did on the weekends, on the weekdays. I was full of excitement, because who wouldn’t want the opportunity to wfh and still live your best life. I was outside all the time. When it was cooler  I wore layers (i now understand layering), i covered my ears, I also so learned that so long as my legs are covered they dont care if its a little cold but MY CHEST…..oh she needs to be covered or there will be hell to pay. I spent a lot of this time sick lol because trial and error right. (Thought I had covid, turns out I had bronchitis twice!….bc who contracts another virus during corona -_- me…)

In the first 2 months of quarantine I lost 12 lbs. I was eating better, I was focused. Who knows when quarantine will be over, is what I thought.  I wanted to use this time wisely. Then the email came. We are out of work until September, it was April…bruh! That was a blow. One of the things I enjoyed most about work was going to the building and working with other creative, not always handing projects solo/virtually. I gained back all the weight in those next few weeks (cue depression). Then another email followed the next month, we aren’t going back until at the earliest January 2021. Ok so the novelty wore off, wfh is now my life, with the potential for permanent nature.

 I could have drowned in this but I had a decision to make. Was I going to sulk, or was I going to just adapt and build a life that I high key always said I wanted. I wanted to be able to control my own time, workout when I felt like it, not have a commute, able to cook my own food, take breaks when I felt like it…whew chile! This new life is LIT!  I built myself a she shed so I could work outside when the warmer months came, I started drinking tea in there in the winter snug in blankets just to experience the sun. I started looking forward to being outside, since the entire world was shut down. Since I could only do things solo I picked up new hobbies, reinvested in old hobbies, got a few more plants, considered a pet, didn’t get a pet, still considering pet (I’m a Libra) I struggle with decision making. I have to weigh ALL the options(PTSD) or be impulsive (thanks ADHD) hence the problem. Fun stuff….anyway…

Here we are 6 months into WFH and I am amazed at the changes that have taken place. I’m seemingly watching people get swallowed by staying home all day….and here I am. What made me different?

Honestly………..PTSD/ADHD and my introversion has prepared me for this my whole life. PTSD, coping mechanisms created space for me to create and adjust a routine. ADHD kept me alive with a need to be stimulated, constantly and by things I loved. Being an introvert I also prefer to do most things alone, so that was the real highlight. It didn’t bother me the way I watched others struggle to be with themselves, I started to feel guilty for being so ok with being alone majority of the time when people were struggling, like really struggling. It’s interesting how the 2 things I though would keep me down, and I was always told would keep me down in childhood, in adulthood are the very things that have helped me through this.

I still mourn the loss of my old life, aka 2019 (seems sooo long ago), as we most do, but the one I’ve created in 2020, while not ideal, is not half bad. This is the most connected to myself I have ever been. I really needed this pause. Not to mention I was in an accident in January in which I suffered a concussion that kept me out of work til the 1^st week of March, and then was sent home for corona a few days later. I worked in the office for a solid 12 days this year.  So I have had tons of time, better yet, I’ve had nothing but time. In the coming posts I will share some of what I have done, how things have changed, the new upcoming changes, 2020 is about to be one for the books. Mark my works! This will be THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!  I claim it! Join me? Share some of your 2020 wins with me. What new things are y’all doing?