A wise woman once told me, “What cannot be seen or heard will be felt.” – Ms. Ruth

 

There are times in life where we underestimate the power something has over us. Those things have the ability to make us do things, right or wrong. I find that lately I have been making tons of mistakes. I’ve sat on this and really meditated over this because I need to figure out why I am f*cking up.

The past few months, as you know, have been a rollercoaster for me. I’m making decisions out of fear, rather than calculated decisions. Time hasn’t exactly been on my time and it seems like my faith is wavering. I say that that because if my faith was strong as I thought it was I’d have faith that God would carry me through, regardless of time constraints, and rushing into decision making.

Here is how I can only assume mistakes work, based on my experience:

I make mistakes out of fear, vulnerability, and ignorance, to remain in control (fear/vulnerability).

Sometimes the rate at which the changes in my life are taking place is scary. I usually mull over things until I’m certain and once I’m confident in my ability to succeed I’m ready for whatever, but without preparation I am motivated by fear, which is not always good.

Fear keeps me on my toes. Keeps me from getting too comfortable with life. Fear ensure I’m always doing more because I don’t know when my “luck” will run out. I’ve heard the line that luck is where preparation meets opportunity. So in order to be “lucky” I try to stay prepared. That’s not always possible. Growth is a process and when I said 28 would be a year of growth I didn’t expect it to be like this. I guess I assumed it would be easier than this. Growth is hurt, pain, love, tears, joy, happiness, sadness, mistakes, and decision making.

All this “f*cking up” has allowed me to see and learn the following:

• I’ve learned about myself and my values
• Where I fall short and where I’m vibrant
• Seeing what matters and what doesn’t
• Seeing how others have changed
• Seeing how I’ve changed
• What works and what doesn’t work
• Forgiveness
• Compassion
• New options
• Past mistakes and how they are affecting me know (insight)
• Humbleness
• Create balance
• Seek justice and difference
• Misjudgment
• Creative direction

We are all human. Life is about the journey. The mistakes we make help us grow. Although we are letting others down when we mess up, we should take accountability for the action that led to the disappointment, and learn from it and grow. We are allowed to be a masterpiece and still be working on ourselves simultaneously. I am a fuckup to some, but at least I’m growing from it. 28 I knew you would be my trial year, and although I underestimated the journey, I am positive that I will come out a better person for it.

We all go through valleys on our path to success, don’t let anyone tell you different. You are human, mistakes happen, dark days happen, people struggle with self-discovery, etc…but remember we all go through it, it’s a part of life, and it does get better.

Stop re-living the past, mourning situations past, worrying about the future, and dwelling on the past. Re-write the narrative and make it empowering to you and help it catapult you into your future. Take inventory of those in your life and surround yourself with people who help build your future, not those who force you to re-live your past.

“The past is meant to be learned from, not lived in.”- Steven Prestfield

–Forever working on myself