Hey loves. I know I haven’t posted anything in about 2 weeks. I have been going through some transitions in my life these past few weeks keeping me pretty busy, of course I will keep you up on what has been happening, is set to happen, etc. once things hit a finale. Currently, I am in the processes of moving (again) for 3 months and then who knows where I will end up. Dealing with an attempted career change, breakups, fading friendships, new friendships, rekindling family vibes while others fade. To put it lightly, I am just an emotional roller coaster.

These past few months have been fun, difficult, adventure filled, etc. I have made it a mission to meet new people, network, make time for personal goals, added fitness back into my daily routine, on route back to being a flexitarian (2 1/2 months strong now no red meat or pork) *insert happy dance here*. With all the new things happening, some old things start to re-surface, as old ghosts do, so I have had a sense of feeling overwhelmed by certain issues.

With transition comes this feeling of losing a piece of identity and trying to swap it out for a new one. In the past year I have gone from “almost wife” to single, going half on life with a partner to now being a roommate, going from carnivore to plant based, being negative to positive. So many wonderful changes, so many not so wonderful, some super scary.

In regards to failed relationships, I’ m discovering how hard it is to separate the dreams had as a unit and creating dreams as a solo. For the past 5 years I have spent my life as a half of a unit. Now I am the entire unit. Just me. Making decisions by myself, choosing what to eat without input by another, not being accountable to another, learned to resolve and be at peace. Yet, no bullshit, some days that goes right out the window and it saddens me to see the majority of my adult life’s relationships have failed. You don’t get into relationships hoping or planning on its demise. You work for it to flourish and build. When all that comes to an unfortunate end it’s disappointing.

To be fair and honest, I place no blame on anyone, people view the world differently and through their perception. Many times their perceptions and stance on how the world operates or should operate will not align with yours, and when that happens in any sort of partnership, without compromise, it will always fail. Sometimes, many times, it better that way. Knowing that doesn’t change the pain associated with it.

Accepting change doesn’t make it easier, but I will say this about this last year…I’ve cried a lot, I’ve laughed more, I’ve slept better, I’ve been calmer, sometimes I am at unrest, but despite it all, and I mean ALL of it, this is the way I truly believe it needed and needs to happen. You think your drowning and miraculously you learn to swim. You’re chocking on tears and somehow you find the strength to swallow those tears and force a smile. You trick yourself into thinking you’re ok, until you’re actually ok. Some days you will feel sad, and that’s ok…feel sad but don’t submerge in the misery.

In this new transition, I do feel a sense of identity loss and uncertainty. I read somewhere that in life we should take the paths that scare us the most because they will help us grow the most. My journey is full of twists and turns, mistake making, love makings, building, breaking down, running fast to reach the finish line, walking slow to enjoy the scenery, and trying to be grateful for this series of emotions, and trusting in Gods will and his timing. Faith and Patience mixed with a little trouble is what life is made up of. It isn’t always sunshine and rainbows BUT it’s what I’m made of and of that I am proud. Making it day by day.