I can be pretty tough on myself. I am such a perfectionist that if I even think that something might not go “right” the amount of anxiety I put myself through is very overwhelming. Failure is a very real fear for me. I have always worked hard. I was always an “A” student because anything less, to me, meant that I would probably be living under the Brooklyn Bridge. As extreme as that sounds I literally took failure that hard. Unfortunately, fear was my guidance in life. Just like the rest of us, we have the fear of failure instilled in us from such a young age, and we don’t even know it.

As far back as I could remember, if I ever got a “bad” grade, which to my parents was anything not an “A,” they would say little remarks like “ You’re going to end up working at McDonalds or Caldores with grades like that,” or however they put it. So to me, I associated working at a fast food joint, or a clothing store, or anything in the mall period, as a lesser job, and I was supposed to be better than that. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? You go to school, get good grades, go to college, get a degree and once you’re done life is supposed to be waiting for you with that dream job. Right? Reality slap!!! Hell no, it doesn’t work that way.

I read something once that said people with degrees are less successful, at times, than those without degrees because they are stuck in this realm of ideal perfection, ideal success, and what it is all supposed to look like. Now no shit, there are tons of successful people with degrees, so that statement is not entirely true, BUT I can agree that there is some truth to it. Think about it. We strived to do the best we could in a consistent environment aka the classroom and thrived. Life is not consistent in that way and that inconsistency throws so many people off because you are taught to think in confines of what is allowed or deemed appropriate or correct. Deductive reasoning and real life experience serves as its own teacher.

Now let me make this very clear, in no way do I blame my parents for my views of the world. I own my mindset, no matter who, or what shaped it. I can re-direct my views and alter them to reflect actual reality. How do you hit the re-set button on your brain and the ways it’s wired though? Can you really unlearn behaviors and habits you have created over your lifespan/ history?

Now I always joke about how since humans go through this epic change every 7 years, and since I am 28 that I am going through my 4^th lifecycle change, so what better time to do this than now. You can do this whenever, and at whatever point of life you are in, this is me just being EXTRA!

So as I have gone through this growth process I’m learning that the circumstances I find myself in or situations I go through are simply just that, moments in time. We as humans assign emotions to those situations or memories based off how we felt about them at the time. But you can always change your view on it. Just look at it from a different angle. They, whoever they are, say that there are 3 sides to every story; yours, the others and the truth. Let me feed some knowledge: Look at situations factually. Look at what exactly happened, not what you think happened. Repeat the dialogue if you need to so you can dissect truth from perspective. Learn how to do this. This is so important!

There are certain things I know about myself to be true and one of them is that I have always been 100% reactionary. All I mean by that is that I react before I think. I’m erratic when it comes to deciphering situations, so it is very tough for me to step back and really dissect things before I react to what I THINK is happening versus what is ACTUALLY happening. My emotions take control before my mind can shut it down. I’m not perfect. I’m flawed as fuck. I know this is life is about grown. It is about really taking the time to really look at the facts. You can then decide whether or not something really was a failure or if this was simply a lesson you had to learn.

The beauty of life is that you decide what you take from it and how it affects you. Be practical. Reshape your thinking. Have failure be constructive in your life and take something valuable from the situation, and most importantly move on from it. DO NOT let negative situations haunt you or disturb your progress. It happened, move on. Do not spend time re-living, re-playing and frustrating over the situations. You will drive yourself insane.

The trick to success is probably as simple as: LEARN HOW TO TAKE HEALTHY, CALCULATED RISKS CONSISENTLY.

Be practical about your risks. Will this risk assist you in reaching your ultimate goal? Can you fully commit to this risk right now and follow through? And remember risks don’t need to be big. Risk could be something very small. Remember that small success is still a win. A bunch of small wins create massive wins. Think about it this way. I recently got back into running. In the beginning I was running a 13 minute mile. As I out in the work I was able to run that mile faster, and then I was able to run 2 miles, then 3. I completely forgot how hard it was when I first started to run that first mile, and now I’m breezing through it. We always seem to forget about the struggle after we have made it through it. You forget the blood, sweat and tears and it’s important to reward those things. So next up. Don’t forget to reward yourself for all your little victories, no matter how small.

Lastly, remain grateful. I am grateful for so much at this point in my journey AND for all the beauty that has come from it. I am grateful for the friends I have that have cried alongside me through our storms, and those who have celebrated our small and large victories. I am grateful to my parents who continue to guide me. I am grateful for having siblings who support me and push me, and for having the opportunity to help guide them and be side by side with them through their growth processes. I am grateful to God for being merciful to this flawed sinner. I am grateful for the job and titles I have held such as daughter, aunt, friend, sister, coach, lover, girlfriend, and even ex-girlfriend, etc. I am grateful for the people I come in contact with and those that present themselves as love notes from the universe. I am thankful for my struggles for teaching me what I am made of. I am grateful that I am resilient and motivated. We each have soo much to be grateful for and we need to acknowledge all of it. Gratefulness creates abundance. Appreciate the journey. Enjoy the new things and dive deep.

See you on the next leg of my journey! Remember to be vibrant, lovely, silly and most of all be happy. Xoxo